Tire Flips, Measurements and a New Size: Oh My!

You'll be happy to hear it's been a much better week and this blog post won't be whiny or depressing. This is, of course, assuming there is anyone left reading after my last few posts.

I started the week off on Monday with a run with my friend Lisa. The route was 2.1 miles. We alternated running and walking and probably ran about a mile when we were all done. It felt  great.

Tuesday was bootcamp. The workout was GREAT! Rope Pull Pushups, Toe Touch Planks, Tire Flips and Banded Punches. I LOVED the tire flips. Lifting the tire and then pushing it and letting it slam to the floor was amazing. I felt like all my stress was being squashed under that tire. The tire was about 330 pounds and I could flip it. YEAH!

Wednesday morning was Yogalates. A different kind of workout, but every bit as tough as a bootcamp class.

Thursday morning was cardio and abs work with Hailey and Lisa.

Friday...(drum roll) Measurements and Open Gym. When I rolled out of bed at 5 am I had no intention of working out. I was going to go get my measurements taken then come home and sleep some more before work. I got to the studio and started warming up since Ben was already measuring someone else.  At that point I still thought I would get measured and leave, but while I was warming up I read the board. It was a 12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 workout and the exercises were pull ups, squat press, walking lunges, renegade rows & burpee pushups. Then I went to get measured (results in a moment) and Ben asked if I was going to workout barefoot. At that point I decided I was going to try a barefoot workout. My ankle is as strong as its ever been and my knees don't ache nearly as much, so working out barefoot didn't seem out of the question. To make a long story just a little less long I enjoyed working out barefoot, my balance sure seemed better and my arches didn't ache. I might need to think about working out barefoot more often. :) Oh...thanks Ben for telling me since I was already there I might as well workout. You were right (not that I should be surprised by that any more.)

All right, so on to the measurements portion of this post. Thanks for indulging me. :)

From April 30 to May 25:
Body fat percentage: lost 1.5% ( I am now at 30.5% body fat)
Hips: Lost 0.5 inches (now 50.75 in.)
Waist: Lost 1.5 inches (now 39.5 in.)
Thighs: Gained 2 inches (now 27 in) ~Not upset with this at all
Arms: Lost 0.25 inches (now 14.25 in)

The scale says in a month's time I've lost 1 pound. I've decided I don't like the scale very much. :)

And...
*Did 10 Burpee Pushups on my toes. YES! :)
*2 pull ups. :)
*THE SIZE 16 JEANS FIT!!! (a little snug in the waist and hips, but they button and zip and I can breathe and bend over)

So how many inches & pounds have I lost in all since this journey began in January 2012?

Body Fat Percentage: Lost 7.4%
Hips: Lost 4 inches
Waist: Lost 4.5 inches
Thighs: Lost 1 inch
Arms: Lost 0.25 inches
Weight: Lost 36 pounds

So did the measurements change my entire outlook this week? They definitely helped, but it was much more than that. I have amazing friends and instructors who offered lots of advice and support last week and that helped even more. Part of it was also me realizing that this is my journey and my transformation and if I want my emotions to change I'm in charge of those too. I've worked my butt off (literally) to get where I am physically and now I need to bring that same focus to bear on the emotional & mental "stuff". Time to clear out that baggage the way I've been emptying my closet. 

Stay tuned and thanks for reading!

Seriously?

Okay, so if you happened upon this blog hoping for some inspiration you might want to run away now. I'm going to attempt to work through some thoughts here and it's probably not going to be pretty or entertaining. If you choose to read on thank you, if you run now I don't blame you one bit.

I know what to do when I hit a bump in the road physically: I keep going. Figuring out what to do when I hit an emotional bump is so much harder. Hiding isn't really an option though it sounds like a good plan. I find myself looking in the mirror and wondering who exactly I am now. People tell me I look and act differently. I don't see a change at all.

So now I'm a little lost, a little confused and for the first time ever I'm not turning to food for comfort. In fact I don't want to eat at all. I know I have to, so I do, but I don't want anything. It feels so vain and stupid to be worried about who the person in the mirror is. She still looks the same to me, nothing has changed and I should just let it go. Who cares really?

I care, because the truth is that everything has changed. The clothes filling my closet and dressers don't fit. Well, that's not entirely true. Other than that one slip that started at my waist and wound up around my ankles at the Spring Breakfast the clothes do fit. The problem is that they fit poorly.

Then there's me. I don't know where I fit in either. Like everyone I have good days, bad days and days that I feel I need to strap on some armor to get through the next 8 hours. Then there are the days we all have when looking at an hour at a time is too much and it's a minute-to-minute thing. So I'm normal...I should quit my whining and get on with life, shouldn't I?

I can present a put-together exterior. I can say all the right things, but very little of that is reality. The reality is I am often scared and I feel like a fraud. I say I feel stronger and some days I really do and I want to roar. There are other days I feel like the weakest person in the world. I do my best to hide that.

I'll be the first to admit I don't let people see "me" very often. I strive to be a nice, kind person. I make it a point to be helpful, flexible and supportive whenever possible. The truth is that most people always stay at arm's length. I have high walls built around my heart and emotions and they don't come down. Ever.

It's not that I don't want to have friends and have fun and enjoy life. It's more that I've protected my heart from being hurt for so long it's pretty tender and easily bruised. So I keep hiding and the cycle continues.

Enter bootcamp and a group of people I don't think I deserved to meet. Ben, Tyler, Amy, and Mary are amazing instructors who have not yet told me to get lost even if I email A LOT. Then the bootcampers themselves, especially Jule, Lisa, Hailey, Eric, Theresa, Andrea and Amanda, the 5:30 am people, the 4:15 people and the 6 pm folks: You are all AMAZING! You inspire me to keep going and keep fighting and to step away from the Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. Don't get me started on my family and friends who are and have been wonderful!

So yes, I'm whining and I know I am. What brought all this on? Such a simple thing really: a request for a menu so people could check in on what I'm eating and offer suggestions, feedback and support. A simple request, a reasonable request and it stopped me dead in my tracks. In the scheme of things this is a mental bump in the road and it's a tiny one...but it stopped me cold.

Wish I had some inspiration for you...some wonderful epiphany I've had that made it all make sense, but I don't. I have more questions than I have answers and at the moment I'm going to "fake it until I make it". I figure if I keep doing the right things long enough I will get where I need to be and things will click into place and you can read a blog that is at least a little inspiring and entertaining.

In the meantime thanks for reading...

5/19/2012: I decided to add my Biggest Mooser before and after pictures too.

New Goals...

So the contest has been over for more than a week now and I'll be honest: I've been floundering. Not seriously lost and in danger of giving up and going back to the way things were before, but floundering nonetheless. I've talked to other Mooser contestants and they tell me it's normal and it's okay.

It sure doesn't feel okay. For 13 weeks my life was nutrition and exercise. I knew it was getting bad when my mother asked me if I would start cooking dinner again when the Biggest Mooser competition was over. I had a reply on the tip of my tongue and as you can imagine it wasn't very nice, but then I thought about it. Life really was going to change and I had to figure it out or I was sunk.

So what did I do? Yeah, I whined, pouted and decided to go hide under a rock. Then the logistics of choosing the perfect rock to hide under cropped up and I had to scrap that plan. So back to square one and honestly the pouting and whining I was doing was grating on my nerves. I was complaining that I could have cheat meals?? Seriously, complaining because I could plan a meal when I could eat something that didn't even pretend to be supportive.

Someone told me once that I should "do what I know". Okay, I'm paraphrasing. She actually told me to write what I know, but doing what I know sounded like a plan.

What do I know? I know how to write goals. I'm a special educator. At least 5 nights a week I am dreaming that I'm writing a student's educational plan goals. At least 5 days a week I am writing goals in real life or assessing whether goals have been met. I could go off on a LOOOOOOOONG tangent about how teaching is not an 8-hour a day job, but I don't want to lose anyone who is still reading this blog, so I'll let it go (for now...it'll probably pop up eventually. You've been warned: run now).

So I sat and wrote goals for myself. I even asked for feedback and suggestions. I'm new at writing goals for myself and I'm a perfectionist I wanted to know I was doing it right.

Enough rambling, right? I'll get on with the goals...then I'll ramble some more. I know I don't need to post these or share them with another living soul, but I know myself and if I'm not accountable to someone I'm not going to work as hard. Posting it puts it out there to people who read my blog.
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NEW GOALS

Currently at 32% body fat. By the end of August 2012 I would like to be at 30%. By the end of 2012 I would like to be at 27% body fat.

Clothing:
By the end of May 2012: Size 16 jeans
By the end of July 2012: Size 14 jeans & being able to wear my black t-shirt!
By the end of 2012: Size 12 jeans

Body Measurements:End of June 2012:
Waist: 39"
Hips: 49.25”
Thigh: 24"
Arm: 13"

End of August 2012:
Waist: 36"
Hips: 46"
Thigh: 21.75"
Arm: 12.5"

Exercise/Fitness Goals:End of May 2012:
*10 pushups on my toes
*15 burpees in 1 minute
*30 seconds of Val slider army crawls without dropping
*Join the 300 club on the deadlift board

End of June 2012:
*15 pushups on my toes
*17 burpees in 1 minute
*40 seconds of Val slider army crawls without dropping
*Move up within the 300 club on the deadlift board
*1 unassisted pull-up
*Complete a 3.1 mile/5K race jogging at least 2.5 miles

My ultimate Exercise/Fitness goals:
*Complete Tough Mudder in 2013
*Complete a half marathon in January 2013

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So those are my goals for myself. Please if you are reading this check in on me: email, comment, call, stop me in the hallway. I posted the goals so I would be held accountable for them.

Thanks for reading!

A part of the journey ends...

Hello faithful readers and welcome. I debated just letting this blog fade away quietly since the Biggest Mooser competition ended on April 30. It seemed the thing to do, but then I really thought about this blog and what it means.

This is my diary. I can come here and write how I'm feeling or what I'm wading through. People read what I write, I've had people tell me they enjoy what I write. So I'm going to keep this blog going. After all, I have always wanted to be a published author.

The Biggest Mooser competition is over now. It was an amazing experience, words truly can't convey my feelings about it. I made new friends, found new mentors and changed myself into someone I don't always recognize. I hear myself speak up where before I would have remained quiet. A friend was actually able to talk me into buying clothes that FIT my body, not the baggy clothing I've always preferred.

I don't see the changes other people tell me they see. I still see the same person I always have in the mirror. Now I don't hate her though. I don't look at her and wish she'd just disappear. I look now and wonder what she can accomplish. That in and of itself is an amazing victory.

Since I shared my beginning measurements and goals with you I thought I'd share the end-of-competition measurements and goals with you as well. I am thinking up some new goals for myself, but they aren't quite ready for sharing yet. Stay tuned though...I will post them here.

Still haven't perfected the drum roll so here are my final measurements. I believe I have the numbers right, but I might need to edit some if I misread Ben's handwriting.

April 30, 2012

Weight: 258 pounds (lost 35 pounds)
Body Fat Percentage: 32% (lost 5.9% body fat)
Waist: 41 inches (lost 3.0 inches)
Hips: 51.25 inches (lost 3.5 inches)
Thighs: 25 inches (3.0 inches)
Arms: 14.5 inches (stayed the same)
TOTAL INCHES LOST: 9.5 inches

Now let's check in on my goals and see how I did:

1. Weight goal: to lose 50 pounds. I lost 35 pounds I'm very pleased with that!
2. Body fat percentage goal 31.9%: I was only 0.1 of a percent away...I think I will say I met that goal (Go Me!!)
3.   Hips goal 44.75 inches: 6.5 inches to go on this one-I'm keeping this goal.
4.  Waist goal 38 inches: 3 inches to go-I'm going to keep this one as a short term objective and develop a new long-range goal.
5. Thighs goal 21.75 inches: 3.25 inches to go-another keeper!
6.  Arms goal: 12.5 inches: 2.5 inches to go-this one is a keeper too since I think once some of the arm fat goes away the inches will change. I seem to have some nice muscles developing under the jiggle.

Exercise Goals
1. Do 10 push-ups on my toes. ~Still working on this one. I get to 8 or 9 and that 10th one is just not there yet.
2. Perform 15 burpees in 1 minute. ~Work in progress: I can do 10, sometimes 12.
3. Do 12 rows in 50 seconds. ~ACHIEVED!!
4. 50 seconds of val slider army crawls without dropping to my knees. ~About those...I can go 20 seconds, so this is definitely a work in progress.
5. 1 unassisted pull-up. ~Haven't actually tried this one yet, but I will need to try.
6. Hold a 3 minute plank. ~ACHIEVED!!

As for those size 16 jeans: they are still hanging on my closet door. I can get them on, pulled up all the way and buttoned. Zipping them isn't happening YET, but it will happen. For the moment depending on the brand of jean I wear between a size 18 and 20 comfortably. That is nothing to be ashamed of!

So that is how things stand right now 3 days after the end of the Biggest Mooser. I have 6 months of free bootcamp and I plan to use those 6 months to their fullest. After that I will figure it out.

Thank you for your votes, your support and the time you've taken to read this blog. I hope you'll stay to read about what I'm up since I do plan to let you know how this whole transformation continues.