Who me??

So what's new with you? Nothing much new here. I seem to keep encountering the same themes in my life over and over again. This probably means it's time for me to pay attention since I'm obviously missing a lesson I need to learn. I've mentioned before that I'm a slow learner, right? I am not saying I'm stupid, I know I'm intelligent, but there are just some qualities that other people see in me that I don't see so I still find myself perplexed when someone mentions them.

The one I've heard the most and the one I understand the least is that I am an inspiration. I smile, say thank you and silently ponder what the heck people mean. Before you think I'm asking for praise or reassurance: I'm not. I don't see that anything I've done is inspirational to be completely honest. I wasn't the winner of the Biggest Mooser competition, I certainly don't jump out of bed every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning thinking "YES! It's 4:45 am and I get to go sweat and push myself to my limit in a few minutes". In fact, there are some mornings I don't get up.

I don't think I shine in every workout, I struggle to complete reps and I don't think I've ever been able to complete 3 rounds of any group of 3 exercises in 3 minutes, someday I hope for that for now I settle for 1.5 rounds and that's the best I can do. I get angry and frustrated with myself and I'm too quiet and focused on myself to notice those around me very often.

Let me stop for second and say I'm not saying I'm a horrible, rotten person, but if you are looking for inspirations then I can give you a list of people who might be better to look at. Look at Ben, Mary, Nedah, Mike, Julie, Troy, Pam, Sylvie, Carole, Hailey, Lisa, Eric, Jess, everyone on the Wall of Fame: they are inspirational. Me, I'm just struggling to get through the workout like everyone else.

Maybe people think I'm an inspiration because I won't quit? I try to be consistent with my exercise and nutrition and for the most part I succeed. I don't try to shove what I do down people's throats, I know the path I've chosen is right for me, that it won't work for everyone. If you ask me I'll talk to you about it and I'd love for you to come join me at Fortitude Fitness Systems, but I won't nag you until you come. Everyone has their own path and my path won't work for anyone but me.

Maybe I'm an inspiration because I won't lie? You know those people: "Oh, it's so easy. Nothing to it at all". Um, yeah...I'd like to knock people like that down the stairs. Maybe their path truly was easy, but I know mine has been a battle and I've had to decide MANY times whether it's worth it to me to keep going. I haven't quit yet, I don't plan to quit; but that doesn't mean that sometimes I wouldn't like to turn around and walk out the door rather than push that prowler one more time or climb that rope. I won't ever lie to anyone and tell them this is easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it's worth it to me: I am a healthier, overall happier person than I've been before.

If you think I am an inspiration then I sincerely want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm not trying to talk you out of feeling that way: I just want to be honest and tell you I don't understand why. I'm not saying you're wrong, I am wise enough to know that who I see when I look at myself isn't who other people see. I'm not asking you to sit me down and explain your reasons, that just makes me feel like I'm begging for attention and I don't do that. I read a quote once to the effect that what other people think of you is none of your business and I'm content to live with that.

As always, thanks for reading... now back to your day

Inspiration

What an AMAZING weekend! Road Tripping with a great friend and more Mudder!

I had the opportunity to go to Englishtown, New Jersey and watch World's Toughest Mudder. I was there partly to support my fitness professional, Ben, and I was curious. What would the course look like and more importantly to me, what would the competitors look like? I will be honest and admit that I expected to see a lot of really buff people. There were many of those, but there were also average looking people. Maybe average isn't the right word, since I don't think there is anything average about someone who would choose to compete in World's Toughest Mudder.

The point of that was, that most of those people weren't all that different from me. I see myself as average in many ways. Does this mean I am thinking I could compete in World's Toughest Mudder: HECK NO! Not right now, maybe not ever, but it made me think...a lot.

The idea that maybe I am ready for things I don't think I am kept me tossing and turning into the wee hours. I've been harboring and nurturing a little dream for awhile now. I stepped way outside any semblance of comfort and tried to do something about it last spring/summer but the time wasn't right and I really was not ready.

I thank you Ben for being kind and gracious enough to offer me advice and pointers and things I could work on. At the time I wasn't ready, I suspect he knew that, but he was kind enough not to crush the dream. He could have laughed at me, told me I was nuts, but he never did that. I could thank him privately for that, but I think it merits a public thank you. So there it is: Thank you Ben for knowing me better than I knew myself.


Mary Hoadley also deserves a huge thanks. She has known me since my beginnings as a Mooser and she has done nothing but encourage and support me. I'm so blessed to have had the opportunity to take her classes at the Wellness Center too. Those classes are nice complements to my work at Fortitude Fitness Systems. I've discovered as much as I LOVE the heavy lifting, tire flipping and pushing the Prowler around until I think I might be sick I also love yogalaties and I'm learning to appreciate Zumba.

With that out of the way, I'm ready now. I'm willing and able to take the steps I need to take to become an instructor. I want to do this right though: I will seek training. I will work as hard on this as I work at being a special education teacher. I won't ever do anything half-way or half-assed. It's not who I am and not anything I would be comfortable with. If I am going to try to help people improve their lives as I've been helped I want to be competent and for me that means I need to learn. It will take time, probably a lot of time.

So I'm still in the midst of my journey and transformation and I've figured out the next portion of the road. Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

It's been awhile. No excuses, no promises to be better about writing, just a simple observation. I'm not hiding or anything, I'm not that exciting or fascinating that I'd need to hide.

Measurements were done and basically there was no change. I'll get to those numbers, don't worry. First I'd like you to see some pictures. If you've read my blog for any period of time you've seen this first picture.

January 2012

Don't I look thrilled? As much as I like and respect Ben Warstler, I'm pretty sure my primary thought at the moment this picture was taken was I hope his phone dies so this picture never, ever sees the light of day. No smile in evidence because I didn't see anything to smile about.

Now a picture you haven't seen before. Taken on Friday, November 8, 2013.

November 2013

Even I can see changes in this one. Not so much the size, but we won't get into that again. The change I see most is that I actually look confident. I wouldn't go so far as to say I have solved my self-esteem and self-confidence issues, but I'm making progress.

So now those measurements. I'm hoping to have a new body fat percentage the next time I get measured. For now we'll just assume it is the same.

October 17, 2013
Weight: 233 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 28.2%
Hips: 47.25 inches
Waist: 37.5 inches
Thigh: 26 inches
Arm: 13.5 inches

Total Body Fat Percentage lost: 9.7%
Total Inches lost: 16.75 inches
Total Pounds lost: 60 pounds

As the end of the year approaches I'd like to reflect back on the goals I set in January, but to be honest I don't have any clue what goals seemed so important back then. I dutifully wrote them down on an index card for Ben as requested. Made a copy for myself before I handed over the card and promptly lost my copy. Oh well, this way when I review them at the end of the year they'll be a complete surprise, right? I do know one goal was to do 1 unassisted pull up. Working on that one.

On with your evening now and thanks for reading!