Perseverance

I had plans to make this post about how I did with the goals I set for 2014. Instead every time I thought about what I wanted to say my mind strayed to the idea of persevering. Part of that is probably a very natural desire not to face up to the goals I didn't meet since no one likes to remind themselves of failure. I learned something from all my experiences that's important too, but I'm not quite ready to write that goal post yet.

What do I want to write? I'd like to write a post telling you that persevering isn't hard. It's easy to keep going and keep fighting when you don't see the results. Sure it is, if you believe a word of that last statement you and I need to talk about a bridge I have for sale. It's in Brooklyn. To be honest, which I'm going to be as much as it pains me, persevering is hard. More honesty: some days I don't persevere, some days I give in to the lure of food that isn't going to do a thing to further my goals or make me feel good.

Yep, I eat junk. Not all the time every day, but more often than I should. No, I don't really consider anything off limits, but there are definitely foods I try to limit and avoid. Let me clue you in on something: I didn't get to 309 pounds at my heaviest eating carrots and celery sticks. Shocking, right?

I'm also a glutton for punishment. I purposely walk down the aisle in the grocery store full of things that aren't going to help me reach my goals. Yes, the dreaded candy aisle. Sometimes I even stop and stand in front my favorite candy and look at it, more often than not I pick up the bag. Then I flip the bag over and look at the nutrition information or the lack of nutrition information. Then I get disgusted with myself and I put the bag back down and walk away. Except sometimes I don't do that, some times I say "screw it" and put the bag into the basket.

The point of this confession is that I am NOT perfect. I don't paint myself as perfect. I don't trumpet far and wide how wonderful I am and how I eat perfectly. No sense lying about it. Much of the time I do a good job keeping myself in line and eating healthy foods. There are times I turn down desserts or walk right by the candy or cookies and don't have any desire to have those things. The point is, there are the other times, the times I feel I've failed or screwed up or am just in a foul mood and decide to compound that by eating junk. It makes NO sense: I know that and yet it happens.

Despite setbacks, I keep persevering with eating healthy foods. When I fall off the wagon and get run over by it I make it a point to stand up, dust myself off and get back to what I know I need to do. The fitness part of the equation has always been somewhat easier for me.

I like to workout, especially in a group. On my own I'm not as good, but put me in a group and I'm going to push myself hard. I might not always succeed, but I'm going to try. Persevering through exercises I don't enjoy (most core work) to get to a prowler push, tire flip or box jump isn't easy, but it's doable.

In the back of my mind, when I started this journey in January 2012 I assumed I'd be at my destination by now. Now with 2015 fast approaching I know I'm not "done". I don't think I'll ever be done. This isn't a trip with an end destination, this is a journey, I'm wandering along sometimes using my map, sometimes making it up as I take a step. There have been wonderful times like meeting people who have helped me build a solid foundation of support. There have also been those other times, the times you want to bury your head in the sand and hope the world will go away. It's a journey, it's not easy it's not always fun, but it is an adventure and I'm not willing to stop where I am and say it's good right here. I believe there could be something even better up ahead, something that will help me be the person I really am, the one I was intended to be from the beginning.

Thanks for reading!