Sunday, January 11, 2015

Food

My word for 2015 is perseverance. Part of me being able to persevere is being able to make my relationship with food right. Let's be honest: you DON'T get to a high weight of 309 pounds by having a normal relationship with food. In fact, now that I'm thinking about what I write, the very idea that I think about a "relationship" with food tells me there is a problem.

I don't remember a time in my life I thought of food as just fuel. For me food has been a friend, a comfort, a drug, and a weapon. When I felt anything at all, be it good or bad, I didn't think of talking to someone, I thought of food. I'm shy, I get tongue-tied trying to talk to people, it was easier to celebrate victories or soothe hurts with food than to try and find the words to describe how I was feeling to others.

I don't want to have a "relationship" with food anymore. Food is important, I can and should enjoy food, but I don't want it to be my go-to for comfort or celebration. I want food to be fuel so I can perform. That's all I want it to be. I have friends and family who seem more than willing to support me no matter how I feel. I should give them a chance to do so. The junk food hasn't done a good job and it never will.

Food can't give you a hug when you're worried or upset. It can't give you a fist bump or a high five when things have gone well. Using food to punish yourself for faults and failures, real or imagined is a recipe for disaster and nothing more.

You might be wondering what brought on this rant. Or maybe you're not, but I'm going to tell you anyway.

I joined a 60 day fat loss challenge offered by Pride Fitness Performance. The major part of the challenge is taking a serious look at our nutrition. Those of us who signed up are starting the first two days having juice three times a day. We have two different juices Orange Power and The Mean Green Machine. Neither one is bad, but I so need a juicer. I didn't know I was fussy about the texture or consistency of my food, but it turns out I am. Very fussy in fact.

So how am I feeling at the end of day 1? Well, there haven't been any casualties yet. I am feeling
"hangry", hungry+angry for those unfamiliar with the term,  but nothing unmanageable. You may want to give me wide berth tomorrow though. Fortunately I'll be back to whole food on Tuesday so the danger will be short-lived.

My goal for the end of this challenge?

I don't hope to lose the most fat or the most inches. PLEASE don't misunderstand, after seeing my measurements I want nothing more than to lose fat and inches, but what I want most is a healthier relationship with food. I want to know what to eat to get the best performance my body can give. I would like to forget what junk I can eat to erase feeling down or lonely, but that's another battle. That battle can't be won in 60 days, that's one I will probably need to fight for the rest of my life. That's okay with me. I am braver than I believe, smarter than I seem and stronger than I think to paraphrase Winnie the Pooh.

In other fitness news the knee seems to be healing. Slowly, but healing. I find it odd that box jumps don't hurt, but 30 seconds of a wall sit and the knee was screaming. I also discovered if you apply a tennis ball to a sore IT band you will find new and different ways to string together curse words. New fun, the pain now seems to mostly be in the IT band near my left knee. Woo hoo...love that tennis ball. The good news is after two days of rolling with the foam roller and the tennis ball the tenderness isn't as bad and I don't swear nearly as much.

I'll release you back to your regularly scheduled evening now.

Thanks for reading!

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