Just so you are warned: this blog will be a mix of things I have been thinking and feeling this week. I'll do my best to make it coherent, but if you're reading this you've probably read my posts before and you're somewhat used to my stream of consciousness style. Which is a really nice way of saying that reading this blog might make you wonder if I have ADD. I do get easily distracted by many things.
First off, let's take a look at my goals for 2015. I shared them with Tyler and he said they were good and we'd do our best to meet them. It was a good reality check for me that he wasn't promising I'd achieve them, but that if I did my best, he'd do his part and we'd see where we ended up. When you are a perfectionist it is very important to have a realist in your circle to remind you perfection is not the goal. Without further rambling here are my Fitness Goals for 2015.
1. Do 5 pull ups in a row without using a band by July 2015.
a. Do 1 pull up without a band by March 2015.
b. Do 3 pull ups with no band by May 2015.
2. Complete a 60 second Deadman hang by May 2015.
a. Complete a 20 second Deadman hang by January 31, 2015.
b. Complete a 40 second Deadman hang by March 31, 2015.
3. Climb the rope at Pride Fitness Performance and ring the cowbell.
4. Complete Tough Mudder New England in 6 hours or less (June 6-7).
5. Start and FINISH a Spartan Sprint at Killington.
6. Complete Derby Elementary School's Cornfield Mile Run in less than 16 minutes.
So there you have it. What I plan to accomplish in 2015. I know they aren't easy goals, but I'm not content to set easy goals I know I can master. I'm willing to give myself goals I'm not positive I can meet, but I will throw myself heart and soul into.
Now on to my second topic for this post. One of my least favorite words in the English language. Trust. Maybe it isn't the word I dislike so much as the concept. Trust means I need to let down my guard and allow people inside. It also means I need believe in myself. I don't trust other people easily and it is rare for me to trust myself at all. I'm only human, there are times I've made mistakes about the people I trust and I remember those times whenever I need to decide if it is worth the possible pain to let down my guard. Trusting people and trusting the process will be my work for the rest of my life.
At this time I can say that trusting the process is the hardest. I have proof that trusting the process works, but I still have a difficult time giving up the illusion of control to extend that trust. In a recent buddy training session I was able to match my personal record for a dead lift. I lifted 315 pounds and it was actually easy. The first time I was pretty sure my arms would fall off. When I lifted 315 the last time it just made me hungry for more. I knew I could lift more, but Tyler said we'd call it good for the moment. Then he thanked me for trusting the process. It wasn't easy for me to give that trust, but I reaped the rewards. I can lift heavy and things that used to terrify me, like box jumps, merely make me want more now. I'm not telling you that I never doubt whether my trust has been well placed, but at least I'm still willing to put myself out there. Not in every instance, but more often than before.
Trusting the process brings me to my last topic for this post: food. I'm one week into the nutrition challenge I started last Sunday. I survived the first two days where all I had was juice and the last few days have been eating low carb. I'm not very far into the challenge and am staying away from the scale for the moment, but changes are taking place. The biggest change I notice is that I feel better. Not that my diet before was complete crap, but there was more than enough junk in it. In just a week's time I have more energy and I don't feel as anxious or uptight. I'm not sure the change is all attributable to the change in my diet, but at least part of it is.
I don't think the way I look at food is completely changed, but it has started to change. When I put myself out on the line a couple of times this week I didn't immediately turn to food to mask the uneasy, uncomfortable feelings. I let myself feel uneasy and uncomfortable and amazingly enough I survived it. Tracking my food has made me more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and what I want to put in my mouth. One step forward this week.
I might not lose the most inches or pounds by the end of this challenge, and really that was never my point in joining. I'm not about public recognition, I'm much more comfortable flying under the radar. If you want to tell me I've done something great, then tell me in private. That means much more. I am uncomfortable in groups and if you want to send my anxiety through the roof then by all means call attention to me. What other people think of me might not be any of business, but to hear through the grapevine that I didn't deserve recognition that I received is hurtful. I suppose that says more about the people making those comments than about me, but it hurts just the same.
Those are my thoughts this week. If you're still reading let me say again how much I appreciate you taking the time. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer. This blog gives me that opportunity. Maybe I can even help someone else by being open and honest. I'm not much in a face-to-face conversation, but I have a definite voice here.
Thanks for reading!
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