No one truly stays the same through their life. Our basic personalities remain the same, but experiences add new layers and nuances. I am generally shy and quiet, but push me too far or sit me down in front of a computer to write and the shyness retreats. Someone told me this week that I am very eloquent with written words. This person is making a valiant effort to bring that same quality out in me when I need to have a face-to-face conversation.
It was an amazing week. Four great workouts, the perfect Yoga Corr class, seeing students making progress. I also met one of my short term goals a week ahead of schedule. Thursday night during buddy training I was able to do a dead man hang for 37 seconds one time and 32 seconds the next time. My first short term goal was to do a 20 second dead man hang by January 31. I knocked that one out of the park on January 22. If I could have ignored the discomfort three more seconds on my first round I could have reached 40 seconds and my second short term goal. Next time.
The best part of the week was Friday. A 5:30 am workout, a walk with Abbey and then a road trip to Boston. I got to spend time with good friends I met through Fortitude Fitness Systems and we had a blast. There were random gravity checks (courtesy of me), laughs, brownies from Mike's Pastry, adventures in fire escape stairwells and time away from the day-to-day routine of home.
Our day culminated with heading to TD Garden to see Garth Brooks in concert. He is amazing and his show was superb. Our seats were in the balcony and it took me time to adjust to how high we were. I'm not exactly afraid of heights, but they do give me pause from time to time. Then the show started and my seat didn't matter.
I love music, almost all music. I love the music I work out to because the beat is often what keeps me going. If I can lose myself in the music my brain forgets to register how much I want to stop. When I am home I often turn on the music, turn it up and sing. I love to sing. I may not be fabulous, but I'm enthusiastic. What I lack in skill I can make up for in volume.
The title of this blog was motivated by an experience we had on the elevator going to the Garden from the parking garage. The doors opened and there were quite a few people in the elevator already, but room for the four of us to get in as well. We were in and waiting for the doors to close when there was an announcement that the elevator was full or something close to that. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember the feeling after that announcement.
The "fat kid" is still inside me and I was tempted to step out. I thought with me in the elevator it wouldn't go anywhere. I fought that urge, but it was strong. I was braced, waiting for someone to tell me to step out so the elevator could move. It never happened.
I know from pictures and other people's comments that I don't look the same anymore, but deep inside I'm still the "fat girl", still the one no one noticed. I'm still the same person inside, but not exactly the same. There's a "fit girl" inside too and little by little she's asserting herself. Without the "fit girl" and the support, encouragement and shoulders of my circle of friends I might have given up when the going got tough. I did slide down the mountain, get mired in the muck and cry buckets of tears, but I didn't completely give up. When it looked like giving up was an option the "fit girl" took charge and made sure I let some friends know I was struggling. She's pretty wise for all her impatience.
Back to the concert. I heard all of my favorite songs, even ones by Trisha Yearwood when she joined Garth. My favorite song and moment of the concert, even with three completely obnoxious cowboy wanna-be's in the row in front of us, was when Garth performed "The Dance". He encouraged the audience to sing along for the whole concert and hearing all those voices in the arena was so special. I teared up, I always do when I hear "The Dance". In the past it has reminded me of people and things I've lost, but this time the tears were grateful tears. Yes there has been pain but as Garth sings "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance". Not a chance.
Thank you to my badass friends for including me in such a special day!
Back to your evening now.
As always, thanks for reading!
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