Sunday, February 22, 2015

Double Standards

My last blog post "Here We Go Again" earned many comments on my facebook page. All of them made me smile and feel thankful for the people who took the time to comment on what I poured out. One made me think and now five days later I'm still thinking about it. I don't think I've stopped thinking about it actually. It percolates away at the back of my mind, sometimes pushing to the front when the circumstances are right.

I won't repost her comment here, but the gist, or at least what I took from it, was "you are walking the walk, don't let your mind play games with you. Train it like you are training your body". She's a wise woman. I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many wise people.

I have a double standard. I think most of us do really. I know I demand perfection from myself, but I am quick to be forgiving and encouraging to my friends. If they feel they screwed up I do my best to point out what they did right and boost their spirits. With myself I attack like every one's nightmare of the worst teacher ever. I am a teacher and I would NEVER treat my students the way I treat myself. I'd be fired, and rightfully so. Don't get me wrong: I have high standards for my students, but I don't belittle them if they don't hit the bar. I tell them from the first moment I meet them that I don't expect them to be perfect: I always expect them to do their best and I know their best won't be the same every day. I need to apply that same care to myself.

The journey during the past week was pretty straight forward. I was nursing my left shoulder, trying to walk the fine line between pushing too far and making sure I moved the joint to keep things moving. Wednesday night was the hardest for me. Tyler introduced barbell cleans during Muscle Hour. I've had practice with them before in buddy training, but I always look for more practice. I got more practice on Wednesday, but not with the barbell. Even trying to clean the empty bar hurt. Not agony, I could have powered through, but enough pain to make me decide I wasn't going to gain anything by soldiering on. As much as it pissed me off (and I was royally pissed, trust me) I used the pvc pipe to practice the different moves involved in the cleans.

Then after the introduction and instruction we had a little circuit. One of the exercises on the circuit was box jumps. That made me happy, I can jump no shoulder movement there. True enough, but I would like to recommend to anyone that you not attempt a box jump until you are completely focused on the box. My first jump was a fail and I fell, scraping the inside of my right leg on the edge of the box. In the recent past that stumble would have ended it for me right there. I would have deemed myself a failure and decided box jumps were not for me.

Believe me, I was ready to decide that, but I remembered my wise friend (and let's be honest, teacher's pet here...I couldn't just quit with Tyler watching me. I don't want to disappoint an instructor, ever). I cut myself some slack assured the people who witnessed it I was just fine and stepped back to focus. My jumps were not perfect, I landed closer to the edge of the box and harder than I did in buddy training, but I landed every jump.

My biggest fear from the time I asked Tyler to help me with my box jumps was falling or hurting myself. I discovered falling was not a deal breaker or the end of the world. I gained a bruise as a souvenir and I survived! There weren't even any tears.

I learned things this week. I learn things most weeks really, but this week they stuck with me and I am hoping I will carry them forward.

1. I'm still not perfect and I'm never going to be perfect. I need to give my best and do my best and be content.

2. Sometimes doing what's right will feel like a let down, but it is for the best.

3. That thing you've been dreading often won't be as bad as you fear.

4. When you fall, dust yourself off, get back up and do it!

5. The things you think make you weak and disgusting are often the things that inspire other people.

6. Your teachers/instructors/friends really do know what they're saying when they tell you you can do it. Trust them, not the critic in your head.

I'll leave you with a picture of my latest souvenir. Yep it's a bruise and it's a lot bigger than I would have thought it would be, but it isn't evidence of a fail. I see it as a reminder to step back, reflect on what I've learned and get it done.

Thanks for reading!
I still got it done!




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