I Wish...

I read a blog last night that really caught my attention and made me think about the journey I'm on. I've been impatient lately and extremely critical of everything I do. Nothing feels good enough, my best effort just pisses me off. We won't even get into the fact that not being able to get to 2000 meters in 10 minutes on the rowing machine made me burst into tears while I rolled and stretched a tender groin muscle. WHAT THE HELL??!

Have I learned NOTHING in 4 years?

Enough ranting...back to the blog. The title was "8 Things I Wish I Knew When I First Started Working Out" (the link if you are interested in reading the post is https://blog.myfitnesspal.com/8-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-first-started-working-out/ ). In case I didn't get the link quite right it is also on my Facebook wall so you can find it. It was written by Shannon Clark and she makes perfect sense. I plan to reread that blog often (read daily) until I get my head screwed on straight and my attitude adjusted.

I suppose I should be thankful that I at least realize I'm being ridiculous. There is so much I can do that wasn't possible 4 years ago. I should celebrate that.


I wish I could be patient.

I shouldn't be looking across the studio to see someone else pushing the prowler with more weight than I did when it was my turn. I need to trust the process and I do know my trainer knows what's best. If that prowler isn't being loaded down for me there is a reason and I need to trust him on that. I shouldn't worry that valslide tucks are just as hard as they have always been, I should think about being able to hold a 3 minute plank or almost a minute handstand. With the handstand, what I probably really should celebrate is that when I came out of it I didn't kick either one of my partners. I'm strong, I'm not graceful or coordinated, but I'm improving.

I have always been strong, capable of lifting heavy things, it was just something I did. When family members moved it was me they looked to for help with the sofas or bureaus. I could lift, but I didn't have a clue about good form. I had years of backaches and muscle strains to prove that. Another thing I didn't understand was thinking it through: I was a jump in and muscle through it girl. If that file cabinet wouldn't move the way I wanted it to, I just pushed harder. Step back and scope out the situation? Umm...that would take time and patience. The result of that approach: scrapes, cuts, bruises and muscle strains.

There's something to be thankful for right there: I've learned patience and I practice good form every time. I probably annoy people who are waiting for me to pick up my end of the furniture so we can get on with things, but I am a stickler for being sure I'm lifting properly. Before it didn't matter, there was only that furniture to move. Now I know beyond the sofa I'm moving there are deadlifts to perform, prowlers to push, tires to be flipped and mountains to climb and come back down. I'm no longer willing to jeopardize future performance to make the task at hand go faster.


I wish I could be confident in myself and my abilities.

I have two months and one day to go until my third Tough Mudder and my third meeting with Mount Snow. I would love to tell you that I know I can do it and I am confident I will be ready. The truth is I am just as nervous now as I was the first time. When I think about it the butterflies kick in. So I try not to think about it.

Race day will come and I will be where I am, I will be who I am. I will give everything I have to give and I will cross that finish line. Whatever happens on the course I can guarantee I will cross the finish line.

Beyond Tough Mudder I want to be more confident in general. I don't think my ego will get out of control if I recognize there are things I do and do well.


I wish, sometimes, that I could see what's ahead. 

I love this journey, I'm not saying I'm done with it. Of course there are parts of it I am more than done with and there were people I dealt with along the journey I hope never to see again. In fact, not to put too fine a point on it: if I never see those people again it will be just spectacular with me. Sometimes I just wish I had a map so I could see the bumps in the road coming. I KNOW that's not possible, but let me have a few moments with my rose-colored glasses in my fantasy world.  I know the measure of who I am as a person is how I deal with the unexpected. A little less unexpected might be a nice touch, but I'm fairly certain my wants and needs aren't the most important in the world.


So there you have it...how I can take a blog post someone wrote on what she wishes she had known when she started working out and turn it into what I wish for when I can't shut my mind off enough to go to sleep.

Happy Easter everyone.

Thanks for reading!