Roar

Recovery week time.

A much needed recovery week, to be honest. What I do every week is hard, but I love it. With that said I may as well be honest and admit that this week was not my best. Instead of being excited to work out before I got there it wasn't until I was immersed in the day's workout that I felt any excitement at all. I do know not every workout will be my best performance, but this week was a real struggle.

Yep, I said it. I struggled and I wasn't my best. No excuses, no blame: I am human. I did the best I could, I got good workouts in, but by no means were any of them my best performances.

Oh trust me I could make a million excuses for myself, but excuses don't help. Yes I am tired. I am absolutely sore. Basically my body needs a break from all the things I love. I need a week of walking Abbey and playing with her. I'm hoping to hike with her as well.

Not so long ago I'd have been crushed by a week like this one. There was a moment on Friday, during Chutes & Ladders when I realized I was looking at 15 more burpees, because I wasn't going to finish the ladder in time that I admit I had a momentary breakdown. I put the kettlebells down, hunched up for a moment and cried. Then I remembered that I only needed to do the best I could. If I did burpees I did burpees. If I disappointed my trainer so be it. The only person in that room I had to prove a thing to was myself. At the end of the workout all I wanted to say was that I did the best job I could do and made myself proud. I can say that. I may have had to do 15 burpees after every round, but I. Did. The. Best. I. Could.

So why did I choose the title I did for this post? I need to roar. I used to believe my best course of action was to go through life as silent as possible. If I could fly under the radar everything was perfect and as it should be. There's problem with that: I'm not really a fly under the radar person. It would be easier if I really was, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I'm not a puppet. I'm not a doormat. I don't need or want to be the center of attention. Roaring doesn't require that I trumpet from the rooftops who I am and what I do. To me roaring is quietly doing what I can do to the absolute best of my ability and letting the rest fall into place.

I am me. If you support that then I welcome you with open arms and for the first time an open heart. If you want me to be your vision of what you expect sorry, I have no time for that. I won't be rude, I won't be mean, but I just can't live life to make anyone else happy.

Thanks for reading!