Being Strong

Over a year ago I wrote a post on mental and emotional strength. This week I'm thinking about physical strength in general and my strength in particular.

I've had an idea in my head for the past three years that if I pursued my passion and developed my strength I would NEVER find a man. I am a bright woman, you would think I would have realized by now that if I subvert who I really am for anyone I'm lying and you can't base any real, lasting relationship on lies. Let's face facts, I'm 45: it seems pretty unlikely that I'm going to find anyone anyway. I'm not whining, even if there is someone out there for me I'm not ready yet. I'm not done growing yet.

Besides, I AM strong. I don't want to hide that. The men I know and spend the most time with don't seem to feel humiliated when I lift more than them. They cheer me on and encourage me. So, if you are intimidated by a woman who can deadlift 345 pounds on a barbell or hex bar and 550 pounds with a tractor tire you and I probably won't have much to discuss anyway.

I'd love to be a petite pretty woman. I'd like to weigh half of what I do now. While we're at it I'd like to have straight hair, small calves and arms without flab. Oh heck, while I'm dreaming let's wish for a jiggle free butt and thighs. Ooh, let's get rid of the jiggly belly too. All right, now that I'm done dreaming let's get real and I'll get to the point of this post.

I hit a new PR, personal record, during Muscle Hour. Prior to tonight I was thrilled with deadlifting 325 pounds. I'm still thrilled with that frankly. When I pulled that I hadn't done any heavy lifting in a quite a long time and I was beginning to wonder if my trainer had completely forgotten that I LOVE lifting heavy. Nope, not for a second. It turns out he had a plan and the things he had me doing instead made me stronger, improved my balance and made me just all around better.

Imagine that, the fitness professional knew more than me and he knew what he was asking of me would build a stronger, better me.

I wasn't sure I was going to deadlift over 295 tonight. My left shoulder, the same one I tried to crush attempting to tumble without a nice cushy mat, has been sore and achy lately. Lifting wasn't bothering it so after playing with single arm prowler rows and monster walks I went to the weight cave to try 345 pounds.

 I'm not necessarily a fan of an audience when I'm trying to do something I'm not 100% comfortable with. There was an audience in the weight cave. I expected Tyler to be there and I found I didn't mind everyone else gathering around either. I've learned what I need to focus on and tonight that was my form and picturing myself successfully lifting that bar. It worked and a little bit later I tried to lift 365 pounds. It didn't work as well for that, but the bar came up a half inch: that means I CAN do it. Not tonight, probably not next week, but if I keep applying myself and giving my all to everything I am asked to do 365 pounds will come.

As much as might have wanted to hide or play down my strength at one time, that just won't be happening. I want to embrace it and brag about it. It makes me happy to lift heavy or push or pull heavy so why shouldn't I be proud of that? Why shouldn't I want to talk about what makes me ME?

I am physically strong. I'd like to believe if there is someone up ahead on this journey then that person will be proud of my strength as well. If there isn't someone, then I am still surrounded by the most amazing support system anyone could ask for and I am not going to bemoan my single status. I am living a life I enjoy and doing what makes me happy for the most part. There are still a few things in my life I need to change, but I have a plan and I will take care of those last few details in good time.

For now I am going to bask in the knowledge that I am stronger than that 309 pound woman I once was. I will be proud that a co-worker told me yesterday that she couldn't believe that I was 45 years old. I will be proud that when I wake up most mornings I look forward to the day ahead and I am deeply thankful for the opportunities I have had to turn my life around.

I am strong, I won't hide that. I won't pretend not to be strong to protect any one's feelings or ego. I'm not going to walk around bragging about my strength and annoying everyone around me, but I will be quietly confident.

I keep looking at the rope and cowbell when I'm in the gym. I have a strong desire to climb it and one of these days when it's relatively quiet and I don't have an audience I am going to try. I might not climb it before July 31, but before the end of 2015 I will have climbed the rope and smacked that cowbell. I don't feel I have anything to prove to anyone, climbing the rope is something I want to do for myself and the little girl who watched her friends climb the rope in PE when she was in elementary school knowing she couldn't begin to get up it and she was too heavy for her PE teacher to help her.

Thanks for reading!