Memories

Tough Mudder #1 , Boa Constrictor,  August 10, 2013

Three years ago today I completed my first Tough Mudder. I was terrified going into it and while I was looking through pictures of that experience today I was reminded of something that happened near the beginning of course that could have easily derailed me completely. I chose not to be derailed because I'm not that weak, I never have been.

I am writing about this only because I strive to be honest. I don't want to dig up the past, especially not painful memories, but this one has been on my mind all day and if I don't write about it I'll spend most of the night staring at the ceiling thinking.

First the memory, then I have a few other things to say.

It was near the beginning of the course. Hailey and I were heading up the mountain. Some rude, cocky young guys were off the side of the course in the shade joking around with each other. Then we walked past and I heard "Badasses?!? Yeah right, look how slow they are going."

The woman I am now would likely have confronted the little twits. The woman I was then wanted to crawl off the course and prove the jerks right. I was there with a team though and there was no way I was going to let them down. I kept my head down, shed my tears and kept going. The mean, vindictive person in my head was gratified later on to see one of the cocky guys being removed from the course by medical personnel: he had twisted his ankle and his buddies left with him. I'm not necessarily proud of how happy it made me that they didn't finish the course, but it was how I felt and I own that. Hey, be thankful I didn't do a happy dance and point and laugh at them. At the time I felt like that was just how young guys acted, it was just another instance of how men were jerks. I don't feel that way any longer. I have three men in my life who have shown me nothing but kindness and support. They have all pushed me to be my best and believe in myself. One I've known since I was in elementary school, one started me on my current journey and the third I've only been training with for a little over a year, but he is absolutely a trusted sounding board and support. Just ask him how many emails he gets from me in a week's time. Poor man... There is no doubt there are men who are jerks out there: I know some of that variety too. News flash: there are also women who are jerks: I am among that number myself from time to time. Shocking I know, but lord knows I can be a HUGE jerk. Nothing I'm proud of, but I strive for honesty. I thought of those guys today. I even wondered if time and life have conspired to teach them some tolerance and manners. Mostly I remembered how terrified I was at the beginning of the course, how those mean words hurt and how freeing it was to stumble under the finish line. I wasn't the fastest finisher, but I was a finisher. I didn't quit when the going got tough, I was tougher than any temporary circumstances. Above it all, what I learned from my first Tough Mudder was that I am WORTH the time, effort and sweat it is taking to become the woman I want to be. Now I want to be an American Ninja Warrior, we'll see how that dream goes. There is also a strong desire to see just how strong I really am, so I am not ruling out competing in a strongman competition at some point. You never know what crazy idea I will come up with next. Thanks for reading!