That "F" word

I had a friend request last week that I not use the word fail to describe anything I attempted and didn't complete. I agreed to try and since then everything seems determined to test my ability to keep a promise.

Not that I'm dwelling on it, okay, I'm not dwelling on it MUCH. Oh all right, in the interest of complete honesty and looking like a whiny little kid having a tantrum I'm trying not to dwell on it without much success.

I am making progress, I know I am, but my inner perfectionist wants it all NOW. I want to make it to the top of the rope, I want to cross the monkey bars, then use the peg board and get over the combat wall.In addition I want to be strong, I want to be able to get into black crow and hold it, I want my power cleans to be good, a deadlift PR in the 400 pound range and I want to be able to flip the 525 pound tire. Oh, and I can't forget that I really, really want to be more flexible too.

I seem to have difficulty with being realistic too. I have no doubt that I can accomplish most of the things on my list, but what I have trouble with is the time frame it may take to accomplish my goals.

Then there was the dynamic warm-up before Insane Intervals this morning. I don't like side shuffles most days, but this morning there was an arm movement too. It didn't go so well. I am usually hyper focused on my feet, but this morning I was trying to get the arm movement down too. My feet crossed about 2 shuffles in and down I went. Just falling would have been enough, but no, I had to tumble too.

About the only good thing I can say about my tumble is that I didn't slam my shoulder into the turf. I'm not sure what I did slam the whole thing is a blur, but my right hip and right knee are sore. No pain, but plenty of soreness.

Just call me grace...

I don't want to just be negative and whiny so I should note that when we were doing the quad stretches I was actually able to grab my left ankle and stretch that quad. Normally that leg isn't close enough for me to even dream of grabbing it. Today I could. Another bonus was not giving away a gold star after my time on the rower this morning. I earned (barely, but I did it) a T2 challenge and I didn't vomit. That should more than make up for my tumble during side shuffles. It might take time, but I know the wins will stay in my mind and the less successful moments will fade.

Another win: I'm willing to trust a little more as well. This week I was coached by someone I don't know and as uncomfortable as I was with it, I persevered. You know me, you know I don't like change, but there comes a time when I have to trust the person in charge (my trainer in this case) and believe he only wants what's best for me. It helped tremendously that my trainer was right there. Call me a wimp, but I still have some comfort zones that I won't let go of. One baby step at a time.

I'm not trying to be a pill or a pain. I don't want to make my trainer's job harder. I try to do everything he asks of me to the best of my ability with a minimum of whining. The fact is that it is MY job to take care of myself and part of that is being aware of what makes me uncomfortable. When you hate yourself that doesn't matter, but I am trying very hard not to hate myself anymore.

Off to gather my ice packs to ice my hip and knee before I go to bed so I'll be ready for Saturday Morning Sweat.

Thanks for reading.