I heard some of my favorite songs this morning. "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson and "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. I belted those out. I am just thankful no one else heard. Seriously, it was not a pretty sound. I'm an enthusiastic singer...I'm not necessarily a GOOD singer.
On the way home "Let it Go" was on the radio. I first heard that song during a difficult time in my life and at that time the opening music was enough to get me sobbing. Tonight I held off on singing along and listened to the words. One of the verses struck me "And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast: I'm never going back. The past is in the past."
It's true and I FINALLY realized it: the past is over, it's been over for a long, long time and I'm not going back. I'm not the same person anymore, I couldn't go back even if I wanted to. I'm not 309 pounds. I'm not afraid of my own shadow and everyone around me. Gosh, it only took me four years to figure it out!
When I wasn't massacring songs or wishing I could be at Pride Fitness Performance, I was thinking about my upcoming meet. It was actually supposed to be tomorrow in Lebanon, NH and I was entered to deadlift and bench press. That event got cancelled and now I'm going to Crossfit Burlington on November 7 to participate in powerlifting at Old School Iron Wars.
I'd like to tell you I am pumped. This is the stuff I LOVE! Lifting heavy: Oh heck yeah!! I am pumped and excited and overwhelmed and terrified. I could add nauseous in there too, but that could be from all the time in the car today. There were tears when I thought about the meet, but that's the part of me that's overwhelmed and doesn't know another way to deal with it right now. This is a huge step for the shy, formerly fat girl.
When I wasn't massacring songs or wishing I could be at Pride Fitness Performance, I was thinking about my upcoming meet. It was actually supposed to be tomorrow in Lebanon, NH and I was entered to deadlift and bench press. That event got cancelled and now I'm going to Crossfit Burlington on November 7 to participate in powerlifting at Old School Iron Wars.
I'd like to tell you I am pumped. This is the stuff I LOVE! Lifting heavy: Oh heck yeah!! I am pumped and excited and overwhelmed and terrified. I could add nauseous in there too, but that could be from all the time in the car today. There were tears when I thought about the meet, but that's the part of me that's overwhelmed and doesn't know another way to deal with it right now. This is a huge step for the shy, formerly fat girl.
I thought about that today too. Why is it all the people around me, whose opinions matter so much believe in me? Many of them are coming to watch me lift. There will be t-shirts. T-shirts?? What the --?? I just don't understand it.
I am so glad I will have support there. Being able to meet eyes with people I know and trust is going to make everything else that is so damn far outside my comfort zone bearable. Yes I love to deadlift and I have done it in front of other people, but the location was completely familiar and the people there are friends. I even knew the judges, which didn't mean they were going to give me any passes if I didn't lift well, but there's comfort in the familiar.
I know I'll have PLENTY of familiar faces at the meet and I appreciate that so so much. What scares me is wondering if I'll be able to block out the unfamiliar and focus on the job at hand. One of my coaches told me he thinks I'll bring home some hardware from the meet. Not in my wildest dreams can I fathom that, nor do I expect to place.
At the end of the day I just want to do my best and make the people who took time out of their lives to cheer me feel like it was time well spent. They'll be wearing t-shirts to support me for goodness sake. I want to get the job done: I don't want to half-ass this.
I am so glad I will have support there. Being able to meet eyes with people I know and trust is going to make everything else that is so damn far outside my comfort zone bearable. Yes I love to deadlift and I have done it in front of other people, but the location was completely familiar and the people there are friends. I even knew the judges, which didn't mean they were going to give me any passes if I didn't lift well, but there's comfort in the familiar.
I know I'll have PLENTY of familiar faces at the meet and I appreciate that so so much. What scares me is wondering if I'll be able to block out the unfamiliar and focus on the job at hand. One of my coaches told me he thinks I'll bring home some hardware from the meet. Not in my wildest dreams can I fathom that, nor do I expect to place.
At the end of the day I just want to do my best and make the people who took time out of their lives to cheer me feel like it was time well spent. They'll be wearing t-shirts to support me for goodness sake. I want to get the job done: I don't want to half-ass this.
Thursday night was buddy training. My buddy was enjoying some rare downtime so basically it was me with Tyler and Dane. I got to deadlift using the hex bar. The first pull felt heavy as hell, I didn't know if I was even going to get close to my PR of 385 pounds. After each round of hex bar deadlifts I left the Weight Cave and used a blank barbell to practice my Romanian Deadlifts.
The last time I walked into the weight cave the hex bar looked pretty darn full. The black band was there holding the plates on, barely and Tyler told me it was 405 pounds. Dane got into position to watch. I chalked up, pictured completing the pull and stepped into position. When I started I wasn't sure the bar was coming up. Then it came up a fraction of an inch and a little more and I had to complete the lift. No way was I getting it off the floor and NOT completing the pull. Returning it to the floor wasn't as gentle and smooth as I wanted it to be, but I can work on that part. The important moment was proving I am strong enough to pull 405 pounds with the hex bar. Maybe it means I'm strong enough to pull more than 325 in a conventional deadlift.
I found a tank top I LOVE on activateapparel.com. I'll share it with you and then let you get back to your evening. Thanks for reading!!
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