Normal

I took one of those quizzes Facebook loves to put on my news feed. This one was supposed to sum up your life in six words. I was intrigued by the idea and curious to see how this quiz would take words or pictures I preferred over others and sum up my life. I can't come up with a way to sum up my life and I live it.

This was my result: You live outside the normal box.

My first thought: "Well, DUH!" This was closely followed by my second thought which was "Just what is normal anyway?"

I have read in various places that normal is just a setting on a dryer. I'd like to think I appear normal to those who don't know me. A little quiet and shy, but generally a nice person. I strive to be good. I try to help people out when I am able, even if I choose to do it anonymously. If I choose to do something to help I am not doing it to be known.

Then there's the me that walks into Pride Fitness Performance. Every time I have butterflies in my stomach. Every. Single. Time. I don't know why, but they're real. Most people walk in and greet Tyler with a smile and a hello. I walk in and often we don't say anything to each other. At first it bothered me, I worried Tyler would think I didn't like him, or I was angry or upset. Or worse, I worried that he would decide he didn't like me. It isn't any of those things. I LOVE Pride, it's my happy place, the place I can go and be strong and competent.

It's not that I don't want to joke and kid around, its not that I don't sometimes do those things. Mostly though I feel like I am walking in the door on a mission. My mission is to prove to myself that I deserve to be called a warrior, a beast, a badass, a ninja, a rock star and I deserve the praise I get. I do know my coaches and my friends well enough to know if I didn't deserve the praise I wouldn't get it.

Maybe I don't live inside the "normal box" after all. Special Educator by day, warrior by night. I kind of like the sound of that. Maybe I'm more of a beast though. I did lift 650 pounds at the Summer Pride Games. Let's compromise and I'll be a warrior beast.

My goal from the very first day of this journey, when it was all I could do to walk through the door, has been to be strong. Not just lift 650 pounds strong, but strong enough that when I say no there is no question in any one's mind that trying to make no into yes won't happen. Maybe that's naive, it probably is, but at least I feel certain I would give as good as I got. I've been weak, I've been scared, I've been angry and bitter.

I am none of those things now: I am strong. I have always been strong, but I had to uncover that strength bit by bit. As I shed pounds I shed a little more of the armor I used to protect myself. I've come to realize that the armor never protected me, it held me back and kept me mired in the past.

In other news, my first foray into the world of powerlifting events has been postponed by a few weeks. The event I had entered on October 17 had to be cancelled. At first I was deeply disappointed, then I looked at the events scheduled for November 7 and 8 in Burlington. I could enter a real powerlifting competition. I could squat, bench press and deadlift. Suddenly not being able to debut on October 17 didn't seem so bad. I had more time to train AND I could do 3 of my favorite things.

I've kept you long enough.

Thanks so much for reading!