A friend told me that someday she wants me to say I am beautiful and mean it. Umm...beautiful? I don't think I'm hideously ugly, is that good enough? Knowing this friend it wouldn't be.
I am strong, I can see it. I am becoming comfortable accepting compliments on my strength. I know I am not the strongest woman out there, but I'm stronger than I ever imagined. Part of owning my strength has been learning to be content with who I am and where I am. I don't need to be the best. I just need to be better than I was yesterday. I need to give 100% to everything I attempt or am asked to do. I am even learning to accept that my 100% won't be the same every day. It can't be. Some days I will PR, other days it will be enough to finish without giving Tyler a gold star.
There are adjectives I am comfortable using to describe myself. Strong- yep, that one works. Smart- sure. Most days I don't come across as a babbling idiot. Determined-it's a synonym for stubborn so I definitely need to own that one. Kind- I strive to be kind, some days with a lot more success than others. Patient- ooh boy. Let's stop while I'm ahead.
Beautiful. That is not a word I am comfortable applying to myself. If other people wish to describe me and use that word I might be able to bite my tongue hard enough to stop myself after I say thank you. Actually let's be honest: I am most comfortable in clothes that complete hide and conceal my shape. I do wear form fitting clothing when I work out, but I'm not comfortable. I spend a great deal of time tugging my shirts down, wishing I could stretch them out more.
To the dear, sweet friend who wants me to call myself beautiful and mean it. I'm growing, I'm changing, I'm getting better every day, but I don't feel beautiful. I'll let everyone draw their own conclusions and I'll do my best to be polite.
I will leave you with some pictures of women I consider beautiful and me. Thanks for reading!
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