The Gladiator Gauntlet

This morning I faced fears and doubts and came out on the other side wiser, stronger and proud. Yes, I am once again saying I was PROUD of myself. I found it impacted the way I felt the rest of the day.

The morning started as Fridays often do. I stumbled out of bed at 4:30 am, Abbey bounded after me, wagging and prancing. I wondered what was wrong with me, why I couldn't work out at a time when a sane, rational person might. Then I remembered, I've never claimed to be sane or rational and continued getting ready. Then downstairs with the boxer bouncing along and the Maine Coon cat wailing away. Everyone got their breakfast, and I filled my water bottle before venturing out the door. Then the drive to Pride Fitness Performance.

This morning's workout was Gladiator. We had exercises like Landmine Presses, Partner Prowler Pushes and Severed Head Carry. Don't worry, there were not actually any severed heads. You put a towel through the handle of a kettlebell and hold onto the towel while you walk the studio for 45 seconds. It's good for grip strength, and it made the instructor smile. My favorite part of Gladiator?  Oh come on, guess. Yep, the Partner Prowler Push. The last round this morning Eric got on, then Tyler joined him. The weight of the prowler plus 70 pounds in plates and Tyler and Eric equaled about 625 pounds. I pushed it, not well, not without stops, but I finished what I started.

Then came the T2 challenge: The Gladiator Gauntlet. Let me explain what was involved in the gauntlet to you.

Warrior Crawl: Put your feet on a 25 pound plate, get down on your elbows and pull your body and the plate across the studio to Tyler. Basically a moving plank.

5 Slams: The men picked a 50 pound slam ball up over their heads and then, slammed it down. Repeat five times. We women used the 30 pound slam ball.

10 Hammer Swings: Pick up a sledge hammer and hit the 350 pound tractor tire with it. Good for releasing any frustrations.

Tire Flip: Flip the tire you just hit with the sledge hammer (this was the biggest reason I wanted to try the gauntlet. I never pass up a chance to flip a tire, ever.)

Tire Jump: Now jump into and out of the tire you just flipped. Good times...good times.

Prowler Dash: As fast as you can push the low end down, then the high end back. (the other reason I finally decided I HAD to do it: love the prowler.)

Keep in mind this was all for time.

This challenge was a choice, you could do it if you wished, but it wasn't required. I watched Julie and Aaron complete it all the time thinking maybe I could do most of it, maybe. Then Tyler asked if anyone else wanted to try. He asked me and he asked Eric. He must have seen something in my face, because he asked what was scaring me. Definitely the Warrior Crawl. Let me be frank: I SUCK at crawls. I have to do them on my hands because my lower back seizes if I try it on my elbows. Tyler assures me we can work on this (guess I'll trust him). I told him and he said "You can do it on your hands."

Damn, damn, damn...he knew he had me then. He knows I won't pass up a chance to flip a tire. I said okay, made several comments about having a screw loose and prayed before I started that I would be slightly faster than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Slightly faster, I was pretty sure I wasn't coming in under 1 minute, 30 seconds but I hoped desperately for something under 2:30. More on my time later.

Warrior Crawl: And I thought valslide army crawls were bad. I found a whole new level of yuck. I stopped about halfway through my lap and everyone started cheering. Oh right...this was being witnessed by the 5:30 am crew. Time to pull up my big girl panties and get it done. Once I tagged Tyler's hand I could move on to to slams.

Slams: I regret not taking the 50 pound slam ball. I love throwing that thing down. It makes such a satisfying thud when it hits the turf. These didn't take long and I felt good about my speed, especially since I could picture the turtles lapping me while I did my warrior crawl.

Hammer Swings: Love these too. I've done them a few times before and this time I didn't nail myself in the knee: BONUS!!! The clumsy girl didn't hit herself with a sledge hammer. It was a miracle.

Tire Flip/Jump: Oh yeah, this one was MINE. I know how to flip, I love to flip and let me brag: I think I am good at flipping tires. Oh wait...then I had to jump. One thing at a time. I enjoyed my tire flip. Then it was time to jump. It took precious time to remind myself that I could jump into the tire and out again. The jump in was fine, not a soft landing, but I got in without tripping. The jump out, not so graceful. More time passed while I psyched myself up and one of my feet grazed the tire. The landing wasn't remotely graceful and Tyler asked me if I was okay. Hell, I was still on my feet (mostly) and I wasn't crying yet: things were pretty close to perfect in my daily battle with gravity.

Prowler Dash: Okay, this I could do. And did do. The best part is holding on to the prowler tends to negate my tendency to trip

Now, back to my time on this challenge. 2 minutes 23 seconds. Better than 2:30 and I wasn't lapped by any turtles. I may have been the slowest person to compete and I didn't earn the T2 challenge, but I completed the challenge. I did things I wasn't sure I could and no one got hurt.

On the drive home I realized completing the Gauntlet was fitting for today. January 30, 2012 I walked into the studio and started my journey. I was a Mooser and I was scared to death. If you had told me that first frosty morning that I would ever be able to do half of what I did today I would have laughed at you and I never would have believed it. That very first morning it was a struggle to get through the rounds of  the 30:10 workout. This morning I completed 3 rounds of Gladiator and while I was tired, I wasn't completely spent.

I've grown and changed so much in three years. I'm stronger, fitter and healthier. I am also generally more confident, happier and not tied to my comfort zone. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not worried about the end. I don't really know where the end will be. This is my new lifestyle, it's not just a trip with a set destination.

Thanks for reading!

The More Things Change

No one truly stays the same through their life. Our basic personalities remain the same, but experiences add new layers and nuances. I am generally shy and quiet, but push me too far or sit me down in front of a computer to write and the shyness retreats. Someone told me this week that I am very eloquent with written words. This person is making a valiant effort to bring that same quality out in me when I need to have a face-to-face conversation.

It was an amazing week. Four great workouts, the perfect Yoga Corr class, seeing students making progress. I also met one of my short term goals a week ahead of schedule. Thursday night during buddy training I was able to do a dead man hang for 37 seconds one time and 32 seconds the next time. My first short term goal was to do a 20 second dead man hang by January 31. I knocked that one out of the park on January 22. If I could have ignored the discomfort three more seconds on my first round I could have reached 40 seconds and my second short term goal. Next time.

The best part of the week was Friday. A 5:30 am workout, a walk with Abbey and then a road trip to Boston. I got to spend time with good friends I met through Fortitude Fitness Systems and we had a blast. There were random gravity checks (courtesy of me), laughs, brownies from Mike's Pastry, adventures in fire escape stairwells and time away from the day-to-day routine of home.

Our day culminated with heading to TD Garden to see Garth Brooks in concert. He is amazing and his show was superb. Our seats were in the balcony and it took me time to adjust to how high we were. I'm not exactly afraid of heights, but they do give me pause from time to time. Then the show started and my seat didn't matter.

I love music, almost all music. I love the music I work out to because the beat is often what keeps me going. If I can lose myself in the music my brain forgets to register how much I want to stop. When I am home I often turn on the music, turn it up and sing. I love to sing. I may not be fabulous, but I'm enthusiastic. What I lack in skill I can make up for in volume.

The title of this blog was motivated by an experience we had on the elevator going to the Garden from the parking garage. The doors opened and there were quite a few people in the elevator already, but room for the four of us to get in as well. We were in and waiting for the doors to close when there was an announcement that the elevator was full or something close to that. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember the feeling after that announcement.

The "fat kid" is still inside me and I was tempted to step out. I thought with me in the elevator it wouldn't go anywhere. I fought that urge, but it was strong. I was braced, waiting for someone to tell me to step out so the elevator could move. It never happened.

I know from pictures and other people's comments that I don't look the same anymore, but deep inside I'm still the "fat girl", still the one no one noticed. I'm still the same person inside, but not exactly the same. There's a "fit girl" inside too and little by little she's asserting herself. Without the "fit girl" and the support, encouragement and shoulders of my circle of friends I might have given up when the going got tough. I did slide down the mountain, get mired in the muck and cry buckets of tears, but I didn't completely give up. When it looked like giving up was an option the "fit girl" took charge and made sure I let some friends know I was struggling. She's pretty wise for all her impatience.

Back to the concert. I heard all of my favorite songs, even ones by Trisha Yearwood when she joined Garth. My favorite song and moment of the concert, even with three completely obnoxious cowboy wanna-be's in the row in front of us, was when Garth performed "The Dance". He encouraged the audience to sing along for the whole concert and hearing all those voices in the arena was so special. I teared up, I always do when I hear "The Dance". In the past it has reminded me of people and things I've lost, but this time the tears were grateful tears. Yes there has been pain but as Garth sings "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance".  Not a chance.

Thank you to my badass friends for including me in such a special day!

Back to your evening now.

As always, thanks for reading!

Goals, Trust & Food....

Just so you are warned: this blog will be a mix of things I have been thinking and feeling this week. I'll do my best to make it coherent, but if you're reading this you've probably read my posts before and you're somewhat used to my stream of consciousness style. Which is a really nice way of saying that reading this blog might make you wonder if I have ADD. I do get easily distracted by many things.

First off, let's take a look at my goals for 2015. I shared them with Tyler and he said they were good and we'd do our best to meet them. It was a good reality check for me that he wasn't promising I'd achieve them, but that if I did my best, he'd do his part and we'd see where we ended up. When you are a perfectionist it is very important to have a realist in your circle to remind you perfection is not the goal. Without further rambling here are my Fitness Goals for 2015.

1. Do 5 pull ups in a row without using a band by July 2015.
    a. Do 1 pull up without a band by March 2015.
    b. Do 3 pull ups with no band by May 2015.

2. Complete a 60 second Deadman hang by May 2015.
    a. Complete a 20 second Deadman hang by January 31, 2015.
    b. Complete a 40 second Deadman hang by March 31, 2015.

3. Climb the rope at Pride Fitness Performance and ring the cowbell.

4. Complete Tough Mudder New England in 6 hours or less (June 6-7).

5. Start and FINISH a Spartan Sprint at Killington.

6. Complete Derby Elementary School's Cornfield Mile Run in less than 16 minutes.

So there you have it. What I plan to accomplish in 2015. I know they aren't easy goals, but I'm not content to set easy goals I know I can master. I'm willing to give myself goals I'm not positive I can meet, but I will throw myself heart and soul into.

Now on to my second topic for this post. One of my least favorite words in the English language. Trust. Maybe it isn't the word I dislike so much as the concept. Trust means I need to let down my guard and allow people inside. It also means I need believe in myself. I don't trust other people easily and it is rare for me to trust myself at all. I'm only human, there are times I've made mistakes about the people I trust and I remember those times whenever I need to decide if it is worth the possible pain to let down my guard. Trusting people and trusting the process will be my work for the rest of my life.

At this time I can say that trusting the process is the hardest. I have proof that trusting the process works, but I still have a difficult time giving up the illusion of control to extend that trust. In a recent buddy training session I was able to match my personal record for a dead lift. I lifted 315 pounds and it was actually easy. The first time I was pretty sure my arms would fall off. When I lifted 315 the last time it just made me hungry for more. I knew I could lift more, but Tyler said we'd call it good for the moment. Then he thanked me for trusting the process. It wasn't easy for me to give that trust, but I reaped the rewards. I can lift heavy and things that used to terrify me, like box jumps, merely make me want more now. I'm not telling you that I never doubt whether my trust has been well placed, but at least I'm still willing to put myself out there. Not in every instance, but more often than before.

Trusting the process brings me to my last topic for this post: food. I'm one week into the nutrition challenge I started last Sunday. I survived the first two days where all I had was juice and the last few days have been eating low carb. I'm not very far into the challenge and am staying away from the scale for the moment, but changes are taking place. The biggest change I notice is that I feel better. Not that my diet before was complete crap, but there was more than enough junk in it. In just a week's time I have more energy and I don't feel as anxious or uptight. I'm not sure the change is all attributable to the change in my diet, but at least part of it is.

I don't think the way I look at food is completely changed, but it has started to change. When I put myself out on the line a couple of times this week I didn't immediately turn to food to mask the uneasy, uncomfortable feelings. I let myself feel uneasy and uncomfortable and amazingly enough I survived it. Tracking my food has made me more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and what I want to put in my mouth. One step forward this week.

 I might not lose the most inches or pounds by the end of this challenge, and really that was never my point in joining. I'm not about public recognition, I'm much more comfortable flying under the radar. If you want to tell me I've done something great, then tell me in private. That means much more. I am uncomfortable in groups and if you want to send my anxiety through the roof then by all means call attention to me. What other people think of me might not be any of business, but to hear through the grapevine that I didn't deserve recognition that I received is hurtful. I suppose that says more about the people making those comments than about me, but it hurts just the same.

Those are my thoughts this week. If you're still reading let me say again how much I appreciate you taking the time. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer. This blog gives me that opportunity. Maybe I can even help someone else by being open and honest. I'm not much in a face-to-face conversation, but I have a definite voice here.

Thanks for reading!

Food

My word for 2015 is perseverance. Part of me being able to persevere is being able to make my relationship with food right. Let's be honest: you DON'T get to a high weight of 309 pounds by having a normal relationship with food. In fact, now that I'm thinking about what I write, the very idea that I think about a "relationship" with food tells me there is a problem.

I don't remember a time in my life I thought of food as just fuel. For me food has been a friend, a comfort, a drug, and a weapon. When I felt anything at all, be it good or bad, I didn't think of talking to someone, I thought of food. I'm shy, I get tongue-tied trying to talk to people, it was easier to celebrate victories or soothe hurts with food than to try and find the words to describe how I was feeling to others.

I don't want to have a "relationship" with food anymore. Food is important, I can and should enjoy food, but I don't want it to be my go-to for comfort or celebration. I want food to be fuel so I can perform. That's all I want it to be. I have friends and family who seem more than willing to support me no matter how I feel. I should give them a chance to do so. The junk food hasn't done a good job and it never will.

Food can't give you a hug when you're worried or upset. It can't give you a fist bump or a high five when things have gone well. Using food to punish yourself for faults and failures, real or imagined is a recipe for disaster and nothing more.

You might be wondering what brought on this rant. Or maybe you're not, but I'm going to tell you anyway.

I joined a 60 day fat loss challenge offered by Pride Fitness Performance. The major part of the challenge is taking a serious look at our nutrition. Those of us who signed up are starting the first two days having juice three times a day. We have two different juices Orange Power and The Mean Green Machine. Neither one is bad, but I so need a juicer. I didn't know I was fussy about the texture or consistency of my food, but it turns out I am. Very fussy in fact.

So how am I feeling at the end of day 1? Well, there haven't been any casualties yet. I am feeling
"hangry", hungry+angry for those unfamiliar with the term,  but nothing unmanageable. You may want to give me wide berth tomorrow though. Fortunately I'll be back to whole food on Tuesday so the danger will be short-lived.

My goal for the end of this challenge?

I don't hope to lose the most fat or the most inches. PLEASE don't misunderstand, after seeing my measurements I want nothing more than to lose fat and inches, but what I want most is a healthier relationship with food. I want to know what to eat to get the best performance my body can give. I would like to forget what junk I can eat to erase feeling down or lonely, but that's another battle. That battle can't be won in 60 days, that's one I will probably need to fight for the rest of my life. That's okay with me. I am braver than I believe, smarter than I seem and stronger than I think to paraphrase Winnie the Pooh.

In other fitness news the knee seems to be healing. Slowly, but healing. I find it odd that box jumps don't hurt, but 30 seconds of a wall sit and the knee was screaming. I also discovered if you apply a tennis ball to a sore IT band you will find new and different ways to string together curse words. New fun, the pain now seems to mostly be in the IT band near my left knee. Woo hoo...love that tennis ball. The good news is after two days of rolling with the foam roller and the tennis ball the tenderness isn't as bad and I don't swear nearly as much.

I'll release you back to your regularly scheduled evening now.

Thanks for reading!

Reflecting on Year 3

I finally remembered to grab my 2014 Goals when I was in the studio this morning. Now it is time to assess what I planned to accomplish in 2014 and what I actually did accomplish.  I’m not necessarily excited to take a look at my old goals, I know I set way too many for last year and I know I didn’t accomplish all of them, but I will assess how I did and then it’s time to move on to 2015. There’s no time to wallow in the past, time to regroup and move forward.

So here goes…I’ll do my best not to whine about why I didn’t meet some of the goals. It’s over and done, time to move ahead.

Fitness Goals
1. Turn in my green band:  Well, this one didn’t happen, but I have hope I will get rid of it in 2015. None of my activity is limited, so even if I don’t get rid of it I’m not going to whine about it.

2. Begin running

2a. Complete the Derby Cornfield Mile Run in less than 18 minutes: I got this one. I finished the cornfield mile run in 16 minutes on June 2014. It’s a tradition at Derby Elementary School near the end of the school year and fun to compete in.

2b. Complete a 5K in less than 45 minutes:  To be honest I didn’t even attempt this one. I’m hoping to in 2015 if my knee will cooperate with the plan.

2c. Train for a half marathon in 2015: I didn’t work on this goal and I’m not sure if I will consciously focus on it in 2015. It is still a goal, someday I’m going to run a Disney half-marathon.    

3. Complete Tough Mudder New England in less than 8 hours: On May 31, 2014 I completed Tough Mudder in 6 hours. I am DAMN proud of that. 

4. Complete a Spartan Sprint: Well, I suppose I kind of met this one. Oh hell, let’s be honest: I FAILED. I have shared this with 2 people up to this point, but I plan to compete again in 2015. I have something to prove to myself: I need to prove to myself that I CAN finish what I start. I want to prove I am not a quitter and I don’t cheat, even if the only person thinking I am a quitter or a cheater is the mean, nasty little critic in my head.

       
5. Compete in a strongman competition: I didn’t attempt this one either and I’m okay with that. As much as I LOVE lifting heavy I don’t feel I have anything to prove to anyone else in this area. I’m content with what I can do and I plan to work more on my strength, but it isn’t the only thing I care about.

 6. By October 2014 move up in the “300 Club” on the deadlift board to 315 pounds: I met this goal on February 20, 2014 during personal training with Ben. It was my last night on my current sheet and he told me it would be the last time I’d have deadlifting for a bit and asked if I wanted to try for a PR. Hell yeah, I’m always up to see just what I can do. I tried and got 315 pounds.

Personal Development & Health Goals

  1. By December 2014 I will rely less on email to communicate. Well, let's be realistic: email is an easy, fast way to communicate. I have made an effort to actually speak to people, especially those who intimidate me and I've been successful. This is an ongoing goal for me and probably always will be.

  2. I will endeavor to participate in activities that make me uncomfortable at least once per quarter.

 2a. I will participate in the Fortitude Fitness Systems Photo Shoot on Saturday, January 25, 2014. Did this and was SO uncomfortable the entire time. I don't know if I would ever willingly do something like that again, but I am glad I did it.

  2b. I will continue to update and write in my blog regularly throughout 2014. I've continued with this blog, it's my outlet and release and I hear from people who enjoy reading it so looks like I'll be continuing in 2015.

  2c. By June 2014 I will be able to step outside my own mind during a workout and encourage/support others. I try to offer encouragement and support, but it's not easy. I get focused on what I'm doing and I don't always remember to offer encouragement. I want to be more like my friend Sylvie, she is the BEST at keeping us all going.

3. I will accept compliments and recognition with a smile and a simple “thank you” on 8 out of 10 occasions by December 2014. This is a hard one for me. I appreciate the compliments, I really do. I am trying to say thank you and leave it at that, but there are times my filter doesn't catch up with my mouth fast enough and I say more than thank you. Another ongoing goal.

4. I will drink at least on gallon of water per day 6 out of 7 days per week. I do meet this goal most weeks. I know when I'm not drinking enough at work because my second graders, one little guy in particular, will remind me I need to drink more because I haven't been to the bathroom recently.

5. By December 2014 I will achieve the following Hips: 43 inches; Waist: 33 inches; Thigh: 24 inches and Arm: 13 inches. Not so much on this one. My strength has grown in 2014, my measurements haven't changed that much. Not that I am disappointed with the progress I've made, but I need to focus on this more in 2015.

So that was my 2014. I didn’t meet all of the fitness goals I set at the beginning of the year and I really am okay with that. Six goals is a lot, my list for 2015 will be shorter so I can really focus on what matters most to me.  I know I will be completing another Tough Mudder, I’m going to finish a Spartan Sprint and I will, of course, plan to run in the Derby Elementary School Cornfield Mile run. I have some other goals in mind as well, but I need more time to think before I commit the goals to paper or blog page.

I do hope you’ll join along for this next leg of the journey. Welcome to year 4, let’s see where the road takes us this year.

Thanks for reading!