Sunday, September 27, 2015

Superstar

The singlet I will need to wear for my first bench press in a public forum has arrived. I tried it on, mostly to be sure I'd ordered the right size and was surprised that it didn't look as hideous as I'd worried it would. I'm not saying it is something I would choose to wear and it certainly showed every lump and bump, but it wasn't horrible.

The singlet pre-Tyler.



Then I did something really scary: I handed the singlet over to Tyler. He offered to put the Pride Fitness Performance logo on it and then asked me about tiger stripes. I trust him not to do anything too flashy, I think. No, really I do trust him, plus I don't think anyone else will really pay much attention to me. I'll just be another competitor.

Which brings me to the title of this post. A friend I don't normally think of as prone to exaggeration referred to me as a "superstar" last night when we were chatting. I protested that I'm not any such thing: I just like to lift heavy and seem to have some talent in that area, not to mention a lot of training. She told me that I could have my opinion and everyone else could have theirs. She's right. I keep forgetting that what other people think of me is none of my business. I should just be thankful I have a core group who want to come watch me and will be there for support when I'm on the verge of panic and want to run. Trust me, I know myself and I know I will reach that point at least once on October 17.

My support crew wants to have t-shirts. T-shirts? For me? I'm bewildered, flattered and frankly overwhelmed. I resisted for awhile and was told it was happening and to deal with it. I made two requests: 1. That the men who got me to where I am be honored (Ben and Tyler both graciously agreed to their logos being on the t-shirt: thank you). 2. I asked that I not be referred to as a hero. I don't regard lifting heavy as being heroic. I have friends who have battled cancer, friends who are both mom and dad to their children, friends who serve our country in the military or as doctors, EMTs or firefighters: They are the heroes. I'm just the woman who lifts heavy stuff. Fortunately the two women who took on this project agreed to my requests. Carole and Nikki: Thank you both for taking this one on.

Thinking about being called a superstar got me thinking about why it is important to me to deadlift and bench press. Once I finally committed to this process of getting healthy and fit I promised myself I would be strong. Strong enough to be heard when I wanted to be heard. Strong enough to trust people and not always be looking for the exit. Strong enough to give anyone who might want to hassle me pause. Strong enough that if someone wanted to hurt me I would give as good as I got. Sometimes life is scary: I want to be confident that I can handle anything that comes my way.

I do realize that some of the reasons I have for wanting to be strong have nothing to do with physical strength. For me, being physically strong has translated into being mentally and emotionally strong as well. Feeling better about myself has made me more confident: I stand taller and I don't always remain quiet when I have something to say.

Thanks for reading!

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Powerlifting

I finally did it. I sent in an application for my first powerlifting event. On Saturday, October 17 I will be taking part in the KDR Iron Push Pull-Powerlifting and CrossFit Meet in Leabanon, NH.  Well, I will be once VT Powerlifting gets my application and deposits my entry fee.

Until this week my response has been "someday" when asked when I'd enter an event. Then Dane did some research for me. When he told me about two upcoming meets I was interested, but more than interested I was surprised. He didn't need to do anything like that for me. Maybe he saw something in me I didn't see, maybe I needed to pay attention.

I thought about it, I sought advice from friends and one friend asked "Why not?" Again, someone that didn't need to say anything, but chose to respond. Many friends responded and they were all enthusiastic. So I did my own research, reading articles, watching videos and considered it more seriously.

I printed the application I just filled out and mailed and pondered the idea a little more. Then I took the final step and asked the person whose opinion on the subject mattered most to me. If he thought I should give it a go then it was time. The final decision was always mine and I did make it.

I am my own worst critic. I see the weaknesses, others see the progress. I know this and that is why I appreciate and value my support system so much.

How do I feel about my decision? I feel it was the right decision, but I am scared. Competing in the Pride Games is one thing, this is something else. I will have friends there, I will have a coach there with me and another I will email as soon as I finish. Apparently there will be t-shirts...still not sure how I feel about that one other than humbled and bewildered.

I even had an offer to buy my singlet if I'd have the Pride logo on it and maybe tiger stripes.

I'm just humbled. I don't know what else to say.

I've never done a bench press or a deadlift for judges I don't know. Then there will be the spectators. At least with the spectators I can convince myself its just like the Pride Games. The judge/judges not so much. Some of the articles I've read have warned that you need to listen really hard and carefully for your cues. CUES?!? I'm going to have to try not to vomit from nerves and listen for cues? This could be a very exciting day for everyone.

What do I hope to gain from this event? I want to see how I measure up. I don't care about awards, a fist bump when I'm done will be more than enough. I want to learn more about powerlifting and most of all I want to have fun.

And...I want to make everyone who comes to watch proud. These are people with lives, families and jobs: they are going to choose to spend time watching me. If that's not humbling I don't know what is.

I will write again before the event. At the moment I'm a little distracted by an upcoming move, but I'll write about that soon.

In the meantime I'm going to be the best teacher I can be, train as hard as I can to be the best I can be and try to remember at the end of the day I am always enough and I am always worthy.

Thanks for reading!