How many of you reading this try to prepare yourself for new experiences by doing research? How many of you manage to find articles to read that don't make you feel more prepared, just more panicked?
As most of you know...and have heard incessantly, my first powerlifting competition will be on Saturday, November 7. I alternate between thinking I'll be okay, it will be fine and wanting to run screaming.
Today I was reading an article titled Top 10 Mistakes Novice Lifters Make . You might wonder what is wrong with me that I would go in search of an article like that. I didn't actually search out an article with that title. I was curious about how many people would be in a flight so I did a Google search. The first article in the list was the one I read. I will give the author, Matthew Gary, credit. He wasn't going for scaring people new to the sport and he pointed out that the mistakes were easily fixed and offered suggestions. If anyone else is interested the article was on the U.S.A. Powerlifting website. It was a great article, though I still don't know how many lifters could be in a flight. I suspect that depends on how many people are entered in the event. DUH...kind of common sense, huh?
Despite the title, reading the article was probably good for me. I was able to feel better because some of the things the author suggested are things my trainers already thought of.
I have a confession: the first time Tyler told me during Buddy Training that I would be working with Dane and Carole would be working with him I was a little upset. I didn't whine, but the whine was right on the tip of my tongue. Yet again I learned that my trainer is smarter than me and knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Number 2 on the list of mistakes that novices make was "not having any advice and/or assistance from a knowledgeable coach or lifter". Tyler solved that one for me: thank you, thank you, thank you.
Dane knows about lifting and after I got over my initial trepidation and tendency to view new people as a threat I found that I liked him. He doesn't think I'm nuts for being nervous, or at least he tells me I'm not nuts. He has also encouraged me to enter my first event, going as far as researching upcoming events that were relatively close. He and Tyler were at least as excited as me when I PR'ed on my Hex Bar deadlift with 405 pounds. There's something reassuring about feeling your coaches are proud of you and believe in you.
I believe I am as ready as I can be for November 7. That doesn't by any stretch mean that I am not nervous, it just means despite the butterflies waging war in my stomach and the overactive negative voice in my head I will walk into the event and do my very best.
Do I believe, as Dane seems to, that I am going to bring home some hardware from the event? I don't know. A part of me would love to bring home a trophy. Another part of me doesn't think it is even a remote possibility.
If I do wind up with hardware I don't plan for it to be in my home. I will ask Tyler if it can stay at Pride Fitness Performance. Not just because I spend more time there than I do at home, but honestly because I wouldn't be at this place if he hadn't believed in me, encouraged me and pushed me to look beyond what was comfortable and familiar. He and Dane have done their best to bolster my confidence and make sure I have the training I need to succeed. If I do succeed they will get as much credit as I can give: I wouldn't be here without them. End of story.I just want to make people proud. I want to make ME proud. Feeling proud of myself is still new. Sometimes it feels selfish and just plain wrong to think of what I do well. I should be focused on my flaws, right?
I've spent most of my life being focused on my flaws and what I can't do. That hasn't gotten me anywhere and I'm willing to admit it isn't the right approach. I don't have the confidence in myself to think I will amaze anyone on November 7, but I think it's damned amazing I was able to fill out the application and mail it in. For now, that is all the amazing I need.
One small step at a time I am becoming the person I have always been inside. I am strong. I will be proud. I will have confidence in my smarts and my strength.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Long Drives, Breakthroughs & PRs
Brace yourselves readers...I think this could be a long, random ramble. I spent 4 plus hours in my car today and when I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs with whatever song happened to be on the radio I was thinking.
I heard some of my favorite songs this morning. "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson and "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. I belted those out. I am just thankful no one else heard. Seriously, it was not a pretty sound. I'm an enthusiastic singer...I'm not necessarily a GOOD singer.
On the way home "Let it Go" was on the radio. I first heard that song during a difficult time in my life and at that time the opening music was enough to get me sobbing. Tonight I held off on singing along and listened to the words. One of the verses struck me "And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast: I'm never going back. The past is in the past."
Thursday night was buddy training. My buddy was enjoying some rare downtime so basically it was me with Tyler and Dane. I got to deadlift using the hex bar. The first pull felt heavy as hell, I didn't know if I was even going to get close to my PR of 385 pounds. After each round of hex bar deadlifts I left the Weight Cave and used a blank barbell to practice my Romanian Deadlifts.
The last time I walked into the weight cave the hex bar looked pretty darn full. The black band was there holding the plates on, barely and Tyler told me it was 405 pounds. Dane got into position to watch. I chalked up, pictured completing the pull and stepped into position. When I started I wasn't sure the bar was coming up. Then it came up a fraction of an inch and a little more and I had to complete the lift. No way was I getting it off the floor and NOT completing the pull. Returning it to the floor wasn't as gentle and smooth as I wanted it to be, but I can work on that part. The important moment was proving I am strong enough to pull 405 pounds with the hex bar. Maybe it means I'm strong enough to pull more than 325 in a conventional deadlift.
I found a tank top I LOVE on activateapparel.com. I'll share it with you and then let you get back to your evening. Thanks for reading!!
I heard some of my favorite songs this morning. "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson and "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. I belted those out. I am just thankful no one else heard. Seriously, it was not a pretty sound. I'm an enthusiastic singer...I'm not necessarily a GOOD singer.
On the way home "Let it Go" was on the radio. I first heard that song during a difficult time in my life and at that time the opening music was enough to get me sobbing. Tonight I held off on singing along and listened to the words. One of the verses struck me "And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast: I'm never going back. The past is in the past."
It's true and I FINALLY realized it: the past is over, it's been over for a long, long time and I'm not going back. I'm not the same person anymore, I couldn't go back even if I wanted to. I'm not 309 pounds. I'm not afraid of my own shadow and everyone around me. Gosh, it only took me four years to figure it out!
When I wasn't massacring songs or wishing I could be at Pride Fitness Performance, I was thinking about my upcoming meet. It was actually supposed to be tomorrow in Lebanon, NH and I was entered to deadlift and bench press. That event got cancelled and now I'm going to Crossfit Burlington on November 7 to participate in powerlifting at Old School Iron Wars.
I'd like to tell you I am pumped. This is the stuff I LOVE! Lifting heavy: Oh heck yeah!! I am pumped and excited and overwhelmed and terrified. I could add nauseous in there too, but that could be from all the time in the car today. There were tears when I thought about the meet, but that's the part of me that's overwhelmed and doesn't know another way to deal with it right now. This is a huge step for the shy, formerly fat girl.
When I wasn't massacring songs or wishing I could be at Pride Fitness Performance, I was thinking about my upcoming meet. It was actually supposed to be tomorrow in Lebanon, NH and I was entered to deadlift and bench press. That event got cancelled and now I'm going to Crossfit Burlington on November 7 to participate in powerlifting at Old School Iron Wars.
I'd like to tell you I am pumped. This is the stuff I LOVE! Lifting heavy: Oh heck yeah!! I am pumped and excited and overwhelmed and terrified. I could add nauseous in there too, but that could be from all the time in the car today. There were tears when I thought about the meet, but that's the part of me that's overwhelmed and doesn't know another way to deal with it right now. This is a huge step for the shy, formerly fat girl.
I thought about that today too. Why is it all the people around me, whose opinions matter so much believe in me? Many of them are coming to watch me lift. There will be t-shirts. T-shirts?? What the --?? I just don't understand it.
I am so glad I will have support there. Being able to meet eyes with people I know and trust is going to make everything else that is so damn far outside my comfort zone bearable. Yes I love to deadlift and I have done it in front of other people, but the location was completely familiar and the people there are friends. I even knew the judges, which didn't mean they were going to give me any passes if I didn't lift well, but there's comfort in the familiar.
I know I'll have PLENTY of familiar faces at the meet and I appreciate that so so much. What scares me is wondering if I'll be able to block out the unfamiliar and focus on the job at hand. One of my coaches told me he thinks I'll bring home some hardware from the meet. Not in my wildest dreams can I fathom that, nor do I expect to place.
At the end of the day I just want to do my best and make the people who took time out of their lives to cheer me feel like it was time well spent. They'll be wearing t-shirts to support me for goodness sake. I want to get the job done: I don't want to half-ass this.
I am so glad I will have support there. Being able to meet eyes with people I know and trust is going to make everything else that is so damn far outside my comfort zone bearable. Yes I love to deadlift and I have done it in front of other people, but the location was completely familiar and the people there are friends. I even knew the judges, which didn't mean they were going to give me any passes if I didn't lift well, but there's comfort in the familiar.
I know I'll have PLENTY of familiar faces at the meet and I appreciate that so so much. What scares me is wondering if I'll be able to block out the unfamiliar and focus on the job at hand. One of my coaches told me he thinks I'll bring home some hardware from the meet. Not in my wildest dreams can I fathom that, nor do I expect to place.
At the end of the day I just want to do my best and make the people who took time out of their lives to cheer me feel like it was time well spent. They'll be wearing t-shirts to support me for goodness sake. I want to get the job done: I don't want to half-ass this.
Thursday night was buddy training. My buddy was enjoying some rare downtime so basically it was me with Tyler and Dane. I got to deadlift using the hex bar. The first pull felt heavy as hell, I didn't know if I was even going to get close to my PR of 385 pounds. After each round of hex bar deadlifts I left the Weight Cave and used a blank barbell to practice my Romanian Deadlifts.
The last time I walked into the weight cave the hex bar looked pretty darn full. The black band was there holding the plates on, barely and Tyler told me it was 405 pounds. Dane got into position to watch. I chalked up, pictured completing the pull and stepped into position. When I started I wasn't sure the bar was coming up. Then it came up a fraction of an inch and a little more and I had to complete the lift. No way was I getting it off the floor and NOT completing the pull. Returning it to the floor wasn't as gentle and smooth as I wanted it to be, but I can work on that part. The important moment was proving I am strong enough to pull 405 pounds with the hex bar. Maybe it means I'm strong enough to pull more than 325 in a conventional deadlift.
I found a tank top I LOVE on activateapparel.com. I'll share it with you and then let you get back to your evening. Thanks for reading!!
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Normal
I took one of those quizzes Facebook loves to put on my news feed. This one was supposed to sum up your life in six words. I was intrigued by the idea and curious to see how this quiz would take words or pictures I preferred over others and sum up my life. I can't come up with a way to sum up my life and I live it.
This was my result: You live outside the normal box.
My first thought: "Well, DUH!" This was closely followed by my second thought which was "Just what is normal anyway?"
I have read in various places that normal is just a setting on a dryer. I'd like to think I appear normal to those who don't know me. A little quiet and shy, but generally a nice person. I strive to be good. I try to help people out when I am able, even if I choose to do it anonymously. If I choose to do something to help I am not doing it to be known.
Then there's the me that walks into Pride Fitness Performance. Every time I have butterflies in my stomach. Every. Single. Time. I don't know why, but they're real. Most people walk in and greet Tyler with a smile and a hello. I walk in and often we don't say anything to each other. At first it bothered me, I worried Tyler would think I didn't like him, or I was angry or upset. Or worse, I worried that he would decide he didn't like me. It isn't any of those things. I LOVE Pride, it's my happy place, the place I can go and be strong and competent.
It's not that I don't want to joke and kid around, its not that I don't sometimes do those things. Mostly though I feel like I am walking in the door on a mission. My mission is to prove to myself that I deserve to be called a warrior, a beast, a badass, a ninja, a rock star and I deserve the praise I get. I do know my coaches and my friends well enough to know if I didn't deserve the praise I wouldn't get it.
Maybe I don't live inside the "normal box" after all. Special Educator by day, warrior by night. I kind of like the sound of that. Maybe I'm more of a beast though. I did lift 650 pounds at the Summer Pride Games. Let's compromise and I'll be a warrior beast.
My goal from the very first day of this journey, when it was all I could do to walk through the door, has been to be strong. Not just lift 650 pounds strong, but strong enough that when I say no there is no question in any one's mind that trying to make no into yes won't happen. Maybe that's naive, it probably is, but at least I feel certain I would give as good as I got. I've been weak, I've been scared, I've been angry and bitter.
I am none of those things now: I am strong. I have always been strong, but I had to uncover that strength bit by bit. As I shed pounds I shed a little more of the armor I used to protect myself. I've come to realize that the armor never protected me, it held me back and kept me mired in the past.
In other news, my first foray into the world of powerlifting events has been postponed by a few weeks. The event I had entered on October 17 had to be cancelled. At first I was deeply disappointed, then I looked at the events scheduled for November 7 and 8 in Burlington. I could enter a real powerlifting competition. I could squat, bench press and deadlift. Suddenly not being able to debut on October 17 didn't seem so bad. I had more time to train AND I could do 3 of my favorite things.
I've kept you long enough.
Thanks so much for reading!
This was my result: You live outside the normal box.
My first thought: "Well, DUH!" This was closely followed by my second thought which was "Just what is normal anyway?"
I have read in various places that normal is just a setting on a dryer. I'd like to think I appear normal to those who don't know me. A little quiet and shy, but generally a nice person. I strive to be good. I try to help people out when I am able, even if I choose to do it anonymously. If I choose to do something to help I am not doing it to be known.
Then there's the me that walks into Pride Fitness Performance. Every time I have butterflies in my stomach. Every. Single. Time. I don't know why, but they're real. Most people walk in and greet Tyler with a smile and a hello. I walk in and often we don't say anything to each other. At first it bothered me, I worried Tyler would think I didn't like him, or I was angry or upset. Or worse, I worried that he would decide he didn't like me. It isn't any of those things. I LOVE Pride, it's my happy place, the place I can go and be strong and competent.
It's not that I don't want to joke and kid around, its not that I don't sometimes do those things. Mostly though I feel like I am walking in the door on a mission. My mission is to prove to myself that I deserve to be called a warrior, a beast, a badass, a ninja, a rock star and I deserve the praise I get. I do know my coaches and my friends well enough to know if I didn't deserve the praise I wouldn't get it.
Maybe I don't live inside the "normal box" after all. Special Educator by day, warrior by night. I kind of like the sound of that. Maybe I'm more of a beast though. I did lift 650 pounds at the Summer Pride Games. Let's compromise and I'll be a warrior beast.
My goal from the very first day of this journey, when it was all I could do to walk through the door, has been to be strong. Not just lift 650 pounds strong, but strong enough that when I say no there is no question in any one's mind that trying to make no into yes won't happen. Maybe that's naive, it probably is, but at least I feel certain I would give as good as I got. I've been weak, I've been scared, I've been angry and bitter.
I am none of those things now: I am strong. I have always been strong, but I had to uncover that strength bit by bit. As I shed pounds I shed a little more of the armor I used to protect myself. I've come to realize that the armor never protected me, it held me back and kept me mired in the past.
In other news, my first foray into the world of powerlifting events has been postponed by a few weeks. The event I had entered on October 17 had to be cancelled. At first I was deeply disappointed, then I looked at the events scheduled for November 7 and 8 in Burlington. I could enter a real powerlifting competition. I could squat, bench press and deadlift. Suddenly not being able to debut on October 17 didn't seem so bad. I had more time to train AND I could do 3 of my favorite things.
I've kept you long enough.
Thanks so much for reading!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)