Balance

I have a wise and wonderful friend who has suggested for the last two years that instead of writing resolutions for the new year that we think about a word to focus on for the year. Of course, Eileen might have been doing this longer than two years, but this is my second year paying attention to her idea.

My word for 2016 is the title of this post: Balance. Yes, the clumsy woman said her word for 2016 is balance. All right, go ahead: laugh...I'll wait.

I actually looked up balance, because I know it doesn't just mean the ability to stay on your feet, it's one of those words I'd better understand if I am going to focus on it for twelve months. Balance can be either a noun or a verb and I chose it because I want to focus on making sure all the parts of my life are in equal proportions.

Let's be honest, my main focus, my true passion is fitness. I've put A LOT of time into becoming as fit as I am currently and I want to be more fit in 2016. I want to pull more, push more and squat with more weight. Not because I have something I need to prove to anyone, I don't. I am strong, period. End of story. The truth is I LIKE lifting and I seem to be somewhat good at it. If I am going to work on the things I am not as good at, I should be able to reward myself with the things I love.

This won't come as a surprise to my family, friends, supervisors or my coaches, but I get focused on something and I forget other aspects of my life. The tendonitis in my left knee was a BIG wake up call for me. I love my workouts, but there's a good chance I don't need six hardcore workouts in one week to show my dedication to fitness. I'm pretty sure my coaches know I'm dedicated to what I'm doing even if they don't see my face in every class.

I've spent the last few weeks thinking about my workouts, trying to objectively weigh what I want versus what I can reasonably do and allow my body the time it needs to recover. I've got the training down (maybe over training is a more accurate term, but I'm working on that) and I am figuring out the refueling. Now I need to step up my game and get the recovery piece of the puzzle in place.

While I'm thinking about balance I need to look at my job too. For the first time ever this spring I will mentor a student teacher. I met her before break and she seems so sweet. I want to give her a realistic view of what it means to be a special educator. What I don't want her to come away with is the idea that everything must always be perfect. As much as I want to be perfect and do everything perfectly for my students I don't, I can't and I absolutely don't want someone considering a career as a teacher to think being perfect is a prerequisite. We'll see how balance in my professional life goes.

Here's to balance in all aspects of my life in 2016.

Expect a recap of my fitness 2015 goals and how I did meeting them and then I'll let you in on my fitness goals for 2016.

Thanks for reading!

A Year in Pictures

If you are on Facebook no doubt you've seen the app that will show you pictures from 2015. I've viewed mine several times, but it doesn't really sum up what I want to remember of my year. It isn't exactly the end of 2015 yet, but I decided I'd compose this post tonight and then start looking ahead. 2015 was extraordinary year and 2016 promises to be even better. I'm glad you've been along for the ride, I hope you'll join me on the road ahead.

When I weighed 309 pounds I was rarely in pictures and reviewing my year was all about my job and what I'd accomplished or failed at. I had no life outside of teaching. The people I considered friends were within the school I was working in at the time.

How times have changed. I can't say I love being in pictures now. My first thought is automatically for any bulges or ripples I can see on my body, but I am wise enough to let my friends comment and I try to see what they do. No one mentions the bulges or ripples, most of them point out how strong I look, or how serious or the muscles I have completely missed in my critical first view. I am learning to see the woman other people see.

You all know me, you know I could keep rambling all night, but let me get on to the pictures I treasure most from 2015.

Oh how I LOVE pushing the Prowler. I may not be the most athletic or agile, but I am learning to embrace my strength even as I work on my weaknesses.

Tough Mudder 2015. My coach Tyler, on the right, doing what he does best: supporting me and giving me every opportunity to succeed. 

Tough Mudder 2015: Warrior Carry. Keeping a promise to a friend. 

The face is my attempt not to burst into tears on the spot. I never expected to be picked as a Pride Warrior. I accomplished my goal, the tears waited until I was driving home.

Thor's Hammer: 150 pounds. It felt so good to lift this.

Old School Iron Wars. My first powerlifting meet, thanks to Dane for nudging me into it by researching meets for me. I LOVE this picture. This is the face of a warrior, someone who knows what she's doing, what she's good at and is determined to do the very best job she can. 352 pounds was my PR that night.

Some members of "Team Kim". I don't know what to say to everyone who took time from their day to come to this meet. So overwhelming to know so many people care. So much for flying under the radar.

More members of  "Team Kim". I am so blessed.

Love my coaches, they look kind of proud, don't they? The sweet little girl at my side made me a card and brought flowers for me. What an overwhelming experience.

Yet another photo from my first powerlifting meet. This is such a monumental photo. The spotter is in my personal space in a BIG way and I am completely focused on my job. I also just noticed the looks of concentration on Tyler and Dane's faces.

That's it, those are some of the highlights of 2015. I am not the same person I once was. I can actually look at my life and feel satisfaction and pride. I am finding out who I am supposed to be and I am working to become that woman. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Thanks for coming along for the ride! As always, thanks so much for reading!

Here We Go Again...

Most people come with baggage...I seem to come complete with the entire damn luggage store. Let someone suggest in any way that I am not living up to an expectation and I am crushed. I am so talented I can manufacture other people being disappointed in me when that is not the case at all.

Yeah, I'm one big bundle of crazy. Aren't you feeling lucky to know me?

I had my annual physical last Monday. I was down 10 pounds from last November, I am developing more muscle and I was told my achy knee was probably tendonitis. Nothing serious, but to heal I need rest and I'll be doing a little physical therapy. Not the end of the world right?

I can't say I was surprised. I know I've been pushing too hard, 6 workouts in a week is a lot and probably too many when I'm being honest with myself.

So I did what I do: I went to the professionals in my life for advice. I was reminded that there has to be a balance between workouts, refueling and recovery. They should all be equal, because all are equally important. The professional I talked with is honest to a fault, which I truly appreciate. When I need a reality check he's the guy to go to and he gave me one last week. I need to remember not to do it in email though, you can't hear the tone being used or see the body language. You see where this is headed don't you?

Yeah, surprisingly enough I worried I'd screwed up and disappointed the professional I was talking to. I would like to point out, now that I've drifted back into the land of sane and rational, that he NEVER said he was disappointed, just reminded me of what he's been trying to teach me for awhile now. Luckily instead of going completely off the deep end I had the sense to email back with a few fears, get assurance that we could talk during buddy training and walk away.

I would like to take this time to thank my sounding boards Hailey and Eric: I mentioned them in my last post and I owe them more thanks now. What can I say: as much as I've grown and changed sometimes I still need people to bounce my thoughts and feelings off. Both assured me if the professional was pissed at me I would have known it and there was a chance I was projecting my own feelings onto an innocent party who really wants to see me succeed and be happy.

Again...I am a HUGE bundle of crazy.

So Thursday came and it was time for buddy training. I briefly considered completely chickening out and staying home. Like that was going to work, the part of me that lives for each workout was already chomping at the bit after not going to Muscle Hour on Wednesday night. Plus, I knew deep in my heart Hailey and Eric were right: the disappointment was mine and mine alone. So I pulled up my big girl panties and I went.

I arrived first and considered hiding under the bench until my buddy showed up, or maybe locking myself in the bathroom. Yeah, not much has changed in my ability to converse with people. I get tongue tied, flustered and generally stumble over my words and I was really kind of worried there would be tears on my part. Fortunately, he is a wise man and he let me go about my routine and have my space.

Once my buddy arrived and we were on the assault bikes warming up the conversation started. I asked for his help to think about my workouts in an objective manner, because to me all were the most important. He made suggestions, asked a few questions to get me thinking and didn't seem to mind when I stumbled over my words and got quiet. We all talked about nutrition and he gave Carole and I a mini challenge to follow until our next buddy training session. Basically we eat what he told us for breakfast and lunch and then we're on our own from 1 pm on. Okay, that sounded doable. It has been doable really. I eat my breakfast, run around like a crazy woman and next thing I know it's lunch time.

So what have I learned over the course of the last week?

1. I am not invincible. Stronger, yes. Even wiser on occasion, but not invincible. My body will keep going when I push it, but eventually it will demand my attention.

2. I won't be the best at everything. This is the hardest one for me. I feel like I'm letting people down if I am not the best. Like somehow if I don't shine every second I am not a good representative of Pride Fitness Performance. Let's get real: I WON'T be the best. I CAN'T be the best. What I can be is determined to try and give every workout my very best effort.

3. I can't do it all. Actually, I owe this one to my coach. He reminded me of this on Monday morning when I stayed after class to talk to him a bit about the decisions I'd come to over the weekend. He's right though: I shouldn't expect to do it all. I found my niche, now I need to keep training my weaknesses.

4. I have the most amazing friends. When I am ready to fly off the handle and let loose every bit of crazy I possess they can reel me and remind me of the truth. They even do it without telling me how crazy I am acting. I owe them for that.

I have plans for 2016. I want to be a better friend, paying the kindness I have been shown forward. I want to see just how strong I am and compete in more powerlifting meets. I am going to get up that rope before the end of 2016...and I won't put any holes in the walls to get there. I am going to be the best teacher I can be.

I'm going to leave you with my favorite picture from my first foray into powerlifting. Maybe it's not the most attractive picture ever, but I can see the determination in my face and I love it. It makes me proud. I am strong and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

So there you have it: I am one big bundle of crazy and I AM strong. That's who I am and I celebrate the fact that despite the fear and anxiety I competed. I am proud of how far I've come in the past year.

Thanks for reading!